5 Signs You Might Benefit From Counselling
Recognising these signs can be the first step toward emotional well-being.
Category: Depression
For many men, the idea of counselling (I often hear now referred to as ‘man counselling’) feels like a foreign concept—something reserved for “when things get really bad,” or worse, something that’s simply not for them. According to the Counselling Directory, only 36% of NHS referrals for psychological therapies in England are for men, despite 12.5% of men having a diagnosable mental health disorder . The truth is, counselling isn’t about weakness. It’s about strength. It’s about choosing to face what’s difficult rather than burying it. And for a lot of us, that’s the hardest part.
Clearly, in my work supporting men through anger management, stress, anxiety emotional overwhelm and with many other common mental health disorders, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when someone decides to take that first step. Undoubtedly, I’ve also seen how stigma—both internal and external—can keep that step just out of reach.
This post is for the man who’s been holding it all in. The one who’s been told to “man up,” to “get on with it,” to “stop overthinking.” If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep carrying it all by yourself.
The Messages We Inherit
From a young age, many of us are taught a very narrow definition of what it means to be a man. We’re told to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant. We’re praised for our ability to “keep it together” and discouraged from showing vulnerability.
Some people want it to happen, some wish it could happen, others make it happen – Michael Jordan
Crying? That’s weak. Talking about your feelings? That’s soft. Asking for help? That’s failure.
These messages might not always be spoken aloud, but they’re there—in the way we’re raised, the media we consume, the way our mates talk about emotions (or don’t). Over time, they become internalised. And when life gets hard—as it inevitably does—we often don’t have the tools or the language to deal with it.
Instead, we bottle it up. We push it down. We tell ourselves to get over it. Until one day, it all spills out. Without doubt, this isn’t healthy.
When Anger Becomes the Default
One of the most common ways this emotional suppression shows up is through anger. And that’s why anger management for men is such a vital part of the conversation.
Anger is often misunderstood. It’s not inherently bad—it’s a signal. A flare going up to say, “Something’s not right.” But when we don’t know how to interpret that signal, or when we’ve been taught to ignore everything underneath it, anger becomes the only emotion we allow ourselves to feel.
I’ve worked with men who describe themselves as “always on edge,” “quick to snap,” or “just not myself anymore.” They’re not bad people. They’re not broken. They’re overwhelmed. And they’ve never been given permission—or the tools—to unpack what’s really going on.
My Own Turning Point
I’ll be honest: I didn’t always believe in man counselling (or counselling for women, for that matter) either. I thought I had to figure everything out on my own. For me, opening up would make me look weak. I thought no one would understand.
It wasn’t until I sat in my first counselling session—nervous, guarded, unsure of what to say—that something shifted. I didn’t have to have the perfect words. There was no need to have to explain everything straight away. I just had to start.
And once I did, I realised how much I’d been carrying. How much I’d been hiding. How much I needed that space to just be honest—for the first time in a long time.
That session didn’t fix everything overnight. But it was the beginning of something better. It was the first time I felt like I could breathe again.
The Cost of Staying Silent
When we don’t talk about what’s going on, it doesn’t go away. It just finds other ways to show up—often in ways that hurt us or the people around us.
Maybe it’s snapping at your partner over something small. Perhaps it’s withdrawing from your mates because you don’t want to talk. Maybe it’s drinking more than usual just to take the edge off. Maybe it’s lying awake at night, your mind racing with everything you can’t say out loud.
These are signs—not of failure, but of pressure. And pressure needs a release valve. Without one, it builds. And builds. And builds.
That’s why counselling matters. It’s not about fixing you. It’s about giving you space to understand yourself. To process what’s going on beneath the surface. To learn new ways of coping that don’t involve shutting down or lashing out.
What Man Counselling Actually Looks Like
Let’s demystify it a bit. Counselling isn’t lying on a couch while someone nods silently and takes notes. It’s a conversation. A safe, confidential space where you can talk about what’s really going on—without judgment, without pressure, and without having to “have it all together”. Man counselling or any type of counselling, doesn’t involve putting on a brave face and pretending “everything’s fine”, when perhaps it isn’t.
You set the pace. You decide what you want to explore. And over time, you start to notice the patterns. The triggers. The beliefs that have been shaping your behaviour for years.
In my counselling sessions with men, we often talk about:
- Workplace stress and the pressure to perform
- Relationship challenges and communication breakdowns
- Unresolved anger and how it shows up in daily life
- Low self-worth and the inner critic that never shuts up
- The fear of being vulnerable and what it means to be emotionally honest
- Fatherhood and the pressures of setting the right example to your children
And through those conversations, something powerful happens: clarity. Relief. A sense of control that doesn’t come from bottling things up, but from understanding them.
“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts”
winston churchill
One Client’s Story
Let me tell you about a client—we’ll call him Tom. He came to counselling after a heated argument at work that left him shaken. It wasn’t the first time he’d lost his temper, but this time felt different. He was scared of what he might do next.
At first, he was sceptical. Indeed he referred to it as “man counselling” when we first spoke on the phone. He didn’t think talking would help. But he showed up. Week after week. And slowly, he started to open up and felt the benefits of counselling.
We talked about his childhood—how anger was the only emotion that was ever acknowledged in his family. He talked about how the idea of man counselling was a foreign concept to his ex military father. We talked about his job—how he felt constantly under pressure but never able to say no. We talked about his relationship—how he wanted to be more present, but didn’t know how to switch off.
Over time, Tom began to recognise his triggers. He learned how to pause before reacting. How to practice new ways of expressing himself—ways that felt authentic, not forced. He took risks with being vulnerable to those close to him.
And the best part? He started to feel more like himself again. Not a different person. Just a more grounded, more self-aware version of who he already was. Who knew man counselling could be so effective?
Rewriting the Narrative
The stigma around men’s mental health and man counselling is slowly shifting. More men are speaking up. More men are seeking support. But we still have work to do.
Every time a man chooses to talk instead of shut down, he challenges the old narrative. Every time a man says, “I’m struggling,” he gives others permission to do the same.
If you’re reading this and something resonates and you feel man counselling could help you—if you’ve been feeling stuck, angry, or overwhelmed—know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
Counselling isn’t about being broken. It’s about being brave enough to want something better.
What You Can Do Today
If you’re not sure where to start, that’s okay. Start small. Be honest and start with a conversation.
- Talk to someone you trust. A friend, a partner, a colleague. Let them know you’re finding things tough.
- Journal your thoughts. Sometimes writing things down can help you make sense of what’s going on.
- Book a consultation. Even if you’re not sure what you want to talk about, showing up is a powerful first step. You can book an appointment with me here (or if you can’t find a time that suits you, you can contact me here and I’ll see what I can do).
And if you’re ready to explore counselling, I offer a free consultation to help you decide if it’s the right fit. No pressure. Just a chance to talk.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to wait for a crisis to seek support. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to deserve help. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Whether you’re dealing with anger management, stress, relationship issues, or just a general sense that something’s not right—counselling can help you find your footing again.
It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about reconnecting with the parts of you that have been buried under pressure, expectation, and silence.
You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to struggle. And you’re allowed to get support.
Because being your own man doesn’t mean doing it all alone. It means choosing what’s right for you—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
Breaking the Stigma: How Therapy for Men Can Help Overcome Mental Health Challenges
Mental health issues don’t discriminate—they can affect anyone, regardless of age, background, or gender. Yet, society often places a unique set of pressures on men that can make it harder to seek help. Indeed, many people still believe that therapy for men still isn’t “a thing”. In this blog post, we’ll explore some common mental health problems that men face and offer practical advice on how to manage them. Additionally, I’ll highlight how AXA and Bupa insurance can help you access free sessions with a counsellor who specialises in therapy for men like me.
Understanding Common Mental Health Issues (these can all be explored in therapy).
Anxiety
Anxiety is more than just feeling stressed or worried. It’s a persistent feeling of fear or dread that can interfere with daily activities. Common symptoms include restlessness, increased heart rate, and difficulty concentrating. Anxiety disorders are among the most common mental health issues, affecting millions of men worldwide.
Depression
Depression is characterised by a prolonged feeling of sadness or a lack of interest in activities once enjoyed. It can also manifest as physical symptoms like fatigue, changes in appetite, and sleep disturbances. Men often experience depression differently than women, and they might be less likely to talk about their feelings, which can lead to a delay in seeking help.
Stress
While stress is a normal response to challenging situations, chronic stress can lead to serious health issues, including heart disease, high blood pressure, and mental health disorders. Men often face unique stressors related to societal expectations, work pressures, and the traditional role of being a provider.
Practical Tips for Managing Mental Health
Talk About It
One of the most effective ways to deal with mental health issues is to talk about them. This is really what therapy for men is. But whether it’s with a trusted friend, family member, or a professional counsellor, opening up can provide relief and support. Talking about our problems is therapy for men and women. Men often feel the pressure to be stoic and self-reliant, but discussing mental health openly can break down these barriers and promote healing.
Stay Active
Physical activity is a great way to reduce stress and anxiety. It doesn’t have to be intense; even a daily walk can make a significant difference. Exercise releases endorphins, which are natural mood lifters, and it can also serve as a healthy distraction from negative thoughts. Exercise it therapeutic.
Develop Healthy Habits
Eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep, and limiting alcohol and caffeine can have a positive impact on your mental health. These habits can help stabilise your mood and improve your overall well-being. Remember, small changes can make a big difference. Talking about how your feeling is a healthy habit too.
Seek Professional Help
If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to seek help from a mental health professional. Counsellors and therapists can provide strategies and support tailored to your specific needs. In many cases, talking to a professional can help you understand the root causes of your issues and develop effective coping mechanisms. I provide therapy for men to address unique challenges related to societal expectations, encourage emotional expression, and reduces isolation. It promotes early intervention and overall wellbeing, helping men navigate their mental health needs more effectively.
“If you always put limit on everything you do, physical or anything else. It will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them.”
Bruce Lee
Insurers
The Role of Insurance in Mental Health Care
Accessing mental health care can sometimes be a financial burden. However, if you have insurance with providers like AXA or Bupa, you might be eligible for free sessions with a mental health professional, who specialises in therapy for men, such as me. Both insurers offer comprehensive mental health coverage as part of their plans, making it easier for you to get the help you need without worrying about the cost.
AXA
AXA Health offers a range of mental health services, including access to therapists and counsellors. Their plans often cover a set number of therapy sessions, which can be invaluable for those dealing with ongoing mental health issues. AXA also provides online resources and support to help you manage your mental health day-to-day.
Bupa
Bupa’s mental health coverage includes access to a wide network of mental health professionals. Depending on your plan, you could receive several free therapy sessions each year. Bupa also offers mental health assessments and treatment plans tailored to your specific needs. Additionally, they provide resources and tools to help you maintain your mental well-being.
Breaking the Stigma
One of the biggest barriers to seeking help is the stigma associated with mental health issues. Many men feel ashamed or embarrassed to admit they are struggling. But, therapy for men is on the increase. It’s important to remember that mental health problems are common and nothing to be ashamed of. By speaking openly about your experiences, you can help break down the stigma and encourage others to seek help as well. I’m an experienced mental health professional who has offered therapy to men for many years now. I can help.
Building a Support System
Having a strong support system can make a significant difference in managing mental health issues. Surround yourself with people who understand and support you. This could be family, friends, or even support groups. Knowing that you’re not alone and that others care about your well-being can provide immense comfort and strength. A therapist who specialises in therapy for men can be part of your support network too.
Self-Care Strategies
In addition to seeking professional help, practicing self-care is crucial for maintaining good mental health. Here are some self-care strategies to consider:
Mindfulness and Meditation: These practices can help you stay grounded and reduce stress.
Journaling: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can provide an outlet for your emotions and help you process them.
Hobbies: Engaging in activities you enjoy can provide a sense of fulfillment and distract you from negative thoughts.
Setting Boundaries: Learn to say no and prioritize your well-being. It’s okay to take a step back and focus on yourself.
You can also find free resources, which will help you manage your mental health here.
Take Action Today
If you find yourself struggling with any of these issues, it’s important to remember that help is available and that taking action is a sign of strength. As a professional counsellor, I’m here to offer support and guidance tailored to your needs. Whether you have AXA or Bupa insurance or another provider, we can work together to find the best path forward for you. You can of course, still see me privately.
Contact me today to enquire about my availability and take the first step towards better mental health. You can reach me at 07851512049 or book an appointment here.
Remember, seeking help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a step towards taking control of your life. Mental health issues are common and treatable, and you don’t have to face them alone. By leveraging the resources available through AXA and Bupa insurers, you can access the support you need without the financial strain. Take charge of your mental health today and start your journey towards a healthier, happier life.
The natural world around us undergoes a remarkable transformation as the vibrant hues of summer give way to the warm, earthy tones of autumn. Leaves fall, temperatures drop, and the days shorten. While many find solace in the cozy atmosphere and the promise of pumpkin-spiced everything, for others, this seasonal shift goes hand in hand with an emotional transition.
For men in the United Kingdom aged between 25 and 35, the onset of autumn can present a unique set of challenges to their mental health. In this comprehensive blog post, we embark on a journey to explore the profound significance of men’s mental health during this distinct season. We’ll then unravel the myriad benefits that counseling offers as an invaluable resource for addressing the autumn blues head-on.
Prioritising Mental Health: A Vital Undertaking
Central to our discourse is the unequivocal importance of placing mental health on the same pedestal as physical well-being. In truth, mental health should always be considered as significant as one’s physical health. However, the issue often arises from the challenge of recognising and acknowledging one’s mental health concerns. Thia ia a challenge that looms prominently, particularly for men.
In this context, it’s crucial to acknowledge how societal expectations and entrenched stereotypes have played a role in perpetuating the notion that men should embody stoicism and unwavering resolve in the face of emotional turmoil. These deeply ingrained beliefs can make it profoundly challenging for men to break free from these constraints. With the knock on effect being they are unable to express their innermost feelings openly, and, most importantly, seek help when needed.
The Seasonal Struggle: Unpacking the Autumnal Impact
Autumn gracefully descends upon us, ushering in shorter days and longer nights, as nature readies itself for the approaching winter. This seasonal shift can cast a shadow over the emotional landscape of many individuals. As feelings of melancholy and fatigue take center stage. This phenomenon is often termed Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and during this season, it emerges as an unwelcome companion for numerous souls.
It’s worth noting that SAD does not discriminate; it affects people of all genders, ages, and backgrounds. Yet, it’s vital to recognise that men, in particular, may face unique challenges in identifying and addressing its symptoms. The societal expectation for men to remain emotionally steadfast can lead them to dismiss or downplay these feelings. Often attributing them to transient, external factors rather than recognising the internal struggles they may be facing.
In this light, we unveil the intricate connection between the societal expectations placed upon men and their ability to navigate the shifting emotional terrain of autumn. The Autumnal Impact, as we refer to it here, serves as a reminder of the imperative need for open dialogues around men’s mental health, transcending stereotypes and forging paths toward emotional well-being.
The Significance of Counseling for Men During Autumn
Breaking the Stigma: A Crucial Step Towards Well-being
One of the primary reasons counselling holds exceptional significance in the context of men’s mental health is its pivotal role in dismantling the pervasive stigma that surrounds emotional expression and seeking help. Counselling stands as a beacon of hope, offering a safe and confidential sanctuary where men can candidly unravel their thoughts and emotions. Men can be liberated from the shackles of judgment or societal expectations. Within these therapeutic spaces, a transformative environment thrives. One that challenges conventional gender roles and empowers men to wholeheartedly embrace their emotional well-being.
Building an Emotional Toolbox: Equipping for the Season
Autumn, with its inherent beauty, also ushers in a unique set of emotional challenges. It’s during this season that the autumn blues can descend, casting shadows of stress, anxiety, or even depression. Counseling, like a seasoned guide, provides individuals with a treasure trove of invaluable tools, honed through years of therapeutic expertise. These tools, when wielded with care, enable men to navigate the intricate labyrinth of their emotions with grace and resilience. In the midst of the autumnal tempest, these coping strategies become not just beneficial but essential, offering a lifeline in moments of emotional turbulence.
“There is nothing impossible to they who will try.”
Alexander the Great
Preventative Care: Nurturing Mental Well-being
Much like routine visits to a physician for physical check-ups, counseling emerges as a form of preventive care for mental health. Regular counseling sessions serve as vigilant sentinels, discerning and addressing latent concerns before they can evolve into more severe conditions. This proactive approach stands as a testament to your commitment to self-care—a dedication that ensures not just a healthier and happier you during the autumn season but also a more robust emotional well-being that reverberates throughout the entire year.
In essence, the significance of counseling during autumn transcends mere words; it is an embodiment of empowerment, resilience, and self-compassion. It extends a helping hand through the swirling tempest of the autumn blues, enabling men to steer their emotional ship with unwavering confidence. It’s a commitment to self-discovery, a refusal to be bound by stereotypes, and a pledge to embrace emotional well-being unreservedly. Amidst the rustling leaves and changing seasons, counseling emerges as a steadfast companion, offering solace and strength as you navigate the profound landscape of your emotions.
Taking the First Steps: Your Path to Men’s Mental Health in Autumn
For those men in the United Kingdom, aged 25 to 35, who are contemplating seeking counseling to bolster their mental health during the autumn season, embarking on this journey is a commendable act of self-care and resilience. Here, we provide you with practical guidance to initiate this transformative process:
1. Professional Guidance: Navigating with Expertise
Your first step towards embracing counselling is reaching out to a counsellor who specialises in men’s mental health. These seasoned experts possess a deep understanding of the unique challenges men often face when it comes to their emotional well-being. By seeking their guidance, you embark on a journey that is tailored to your specific needs and challenges. Through their expertise, you’ll find a compass to navigate the intricate terrain of your emotions.
2. Seek Recommendations: Trust in Personal Referrals
Don’t underestimate the power of personal recommendations. Trust in the experiences and insights of friends, family, or trusted individuals who have embarked on a similar journey. They can offer valuable referrals to experienced and empathetic counselors skilled in addressing men’s mental health concerns. It’s a testament to the strength of community and the support network that surrounds you.
3. Online Resources: Harnessing the Digital Frontier
In today’s interconnected world, a wealth of mental health resources is at your fingertips. Explore online platforms and resources that not only provide valuable mental health information but also offer options for virtual counselling sessions. This can be particularly advantageous during the autumn season when the inclination to stay indoors prevails. The digital realm extends a convenient avenue for seeking the support you need, irrespective of physical boundaries.
4. Embrace Self-Care: A Holistic Approach
Counselling, while invaluable, is but one facet of your journey towards enhanced mental well-being. In conjunction with seeking professional help, consider the incorporation of self-care practices into your daily routine. Simple habits like regular exercise, maintaining a balanced diet, and engaging in mindfulness activities wield the potential for a profoundly positive impact on your mental health. These practices become your allies as you navigate the intricacies of the autumn blues, fostering a more robust emotional resilience.
In summation, embarking on the path to men’s mental health during the autumn season is a testament to your commitment to self-discovery, self-compassion, and well-being. It is an investment in a healthier and happier you, not just for this season but for the seasons that follow. By taking these first steps, you not only unlock the potential for personal transformation but also contribute to the broader narrative surrounding men’s mental health—ushering in an era where emotional well-being is celebrated, and stereotypes are replaced with authentic expressions of self.
In Conclusion: Embracing the Seasonal Shift for Holistic Well-being
In summation, let us recognise that autumn transcends being merely a season of change in the natural world; it offers an exquisite opportunity for personal transformation and profound self-reflection. For men aged 25 to 35 residing in the United Kingdom, acknowledging the distinctive mental health challenges that accompany this season is a pivotal stride towards nurturing holistic well-being.
Embracing counselling as an invaluable resource for addressing the autumn blues signifies an act of profound self-compassion, resilience, and unwavering strength. It is not a fleeting choice but a resolute commitment to cultivating a happier, healthier version of oneself. This commitment that extends far beyond the confines of this particular season. By taking this path, you embark on a journey that celebrates emotional well-being, challenges stereotypes, and champions authenticity. A journey where each season becomes an opportunity for growth, transformation, and the unwavering pursuit of a more fulfilling, vibrant life.
Introduction
Depression and anxiety can be really scary. Even though mental illnesses are common, they’re still stigmatised. That makes people who are suffering from these conditions even more reluctant to seek help because they fear being judged or misunderstood.
It’s important to remember that you’re not alone: Millions of people struggle with depression and anxiety each year, but many don’t seek treatment for a variety of reasons. That’s why I’ve put together this list of questions you might be afraid to ask about your own depression—from how long it lasts to whether it affects your sex life!
1# Is depression a real illness?
Depression is a real illness. It’s not something you should be ashamed of, and it’s not something that means you’re weak or a failure. Depression is treatable, and there are plenty of people who have gotten through depression and come out on the other side stronger than before.
Some people believe that depression isn’t an actual illness because there isn’t any proof that it affects the biological makeup of the brain physically like other conditions do—but we know more now than ever before about how complex our brains are, how they work together with other organs in our bodies to keep us alive every day without even thinking about it until something goes wrong somewhere along this system (like when someone becomes depressed).
Success is falling 9 times and getting up 10 – Jon Bon Jovi
#2 How long does depression last?
You may have heard that depression is a lifelong condition and will never go away. While this is true for some people, it’s not true for everyone: depression can last weeks, months or even years. You might also be wondering how long you’ll need to take to see a counsellor before feeling better. The truth is that there’s no way to predict how long it will take you to recover from depression—it depends on many factors, including what caused your symptoms in the first place (if we knew that, we could prevent it!)
Do you need help with depression?
If left untreated for too long without support from a professional as well as friends, family and loved ones then symptoms may worsen into something more serious such as suicidal thoughts.
Depression may come back but sometimes the symptoms are milder than they were at first, which means that we can help manage them through lifestyle changes and counselling sessions. But if you don’t learn how to cope with stressors, then this problem might reoccur in new ways.
You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think – A.A Milne
#3 Does having depression make me crazy?
You might have heard that depression is a sign of weakness or an indication that you’re crazy. The truth is much simpler: Depression is a real illness, and it’s not your fault. It’s not about being weak or crazy, but rather about having an imbalance of brain chemicals — specifically serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine — that can cause changes in your mood, sleeping patterns and energy levels.
When you have depression, you might feel like you’re constantly running on empty with no hope for relief in sight. But there are many ways to manage symptoms of depression so you can get back to living life again without feeling this way every day
While it may seem intimidating at first, don’t be afraid to ask questions about depression. It’s important to get a full picture of what causes this illness so you can make an informed decision on how best to treat it.
If you’d like to talk to me about depression, then please feel free to get in touch.
#4 What’s the difference between grief and depression?
Depression is not the same as grieving. Depression is a medical condition, whereas grief is a normal response to loss. Grieving involves processing your feelings through talking about them with others, such as a counsellor and doing things like writing in a journal, which helps you move on with your life. If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, it’s important that you speak to a professional about getting treatment—medication or therapy—to manage those symptoms.
Depression can last for days or weeks at a time, but usually less than six months; if it lasts longer than that, it could be indicative of clinical depression.
Remember that grief is a healthy process, while depression is not. If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, it’s important that you speak to a professional about getting treatment. I can help you to process your grief or help you to work through your depression.
If my mind can conceive it and my heart can believe it, then I can achieve it – Muhammad Ali
#5 Can I get depression again if I’ve had it before?
It’s normal to worry that depression will come back. After all, you’ve been through it before and it was hard. You’re not sure how you’ll handle it if it happens again.
Depression is a chronic illness, which means that it can be recurring. It may come back at any point in your life—and even after you’ve had years of feeling stable and happy—but there are things you can do to make sure that if depression hits again, you’ll know how to handle it better than last time!
If depression does come back, it’s important to remember that it isn’t your fault.
Depression is not a sign of weakness or laziness. It’s not something you can just “get over” with a little effort—depression is an illness that needs treatment from professionals, such as a counsellor like me, who understand the disease and how best to help people with it. If depression comes back again later in life, it can still be treated.
#6 If my family has a history of mental illness, am I likely to develop a mental illness too?
This question is one of the most common. It’s important to know that depression can be passed down from parent to child, or it can occur as a result of environmental factors. The National Institute of Mental Health (the leading agency for mental health research in the United States) states: “Genetics does not determine whether someone develops depression.” Instead, genetics likely play a role in how patients respond to life events and stressors.
If you’re afraid to ask yourself whether or not your family has a history of mental illness, don’t be. There are many factors that can play into whether or not you develop depression. If there is any cause for concern in your family, talk to a doctor or a mental health professional like me, about what steps you might take now to prevent mental illness later on.
A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new – Albert Einstein
Are you worried about your mental health?
Contact me now to arrange a safe and confidential space to talk through your concerns with a professional counsellor.
#7 Can a lack of sleep cause depression?
Does lack of sleep cause depression? Yes, it certainly can. Lack of sleep can lead to anxiety, stress and irritability which are all triggers for depression. When you’re not getting the right amount of sleep, your body doesn’t have enough time to repair itself from the day before. This means that any physical or mental issues you might have — like stress-related heart problems or mental exhaustion — will come back even stronger on top of each other.
Long-term lack of sleep can cause poor concentration, fatigue and even depression. If you’re dealing with these symptoms then it’s worth looking into how much sleep you’ve been getting recently because it may be affecting your mental health more than you think.
Some people want it to happen, some wish it could happen, others make it happen – Michael Jordan
#8 Can medication help with depression, and if so, why should I try counselling first (or at all)?
Medications for depression (along with medication for anxiety) are among the most prescribed drugs in the world, with over 6 million people in the UK alone, taking anti-depressants. Many people see ‘anti-depressants’ as a ‘magic bullet’ to their mental illness and while this isn’t always the case, many people see quick improvements in their mental health, particularly in the short term. However, many anti-depressants have adverse side effects such as;
- feeling agitated, shaky or anxious.
- feeling and being sick.
- indigestion and stomach aches.
- diarrhoea or constipation.
- loss of appetite.
- dizziness.
- not sleeping well (insomnia), or feeling very sleepy.
- headaches.
the list above is not exhaustive!
There is nothing impossible to him who will try – Alexander the Great
It’s also worth bearing in mind that anti-depressants are often prescribed on a ‘trial and error’ basis, where the drug will be changed to another type if the patient isn’t getting the intended relief.
When it comes to talking therapy such as counselling, the results have proven to be longer-lasting than with medications.
Counselling can help you to identify what is triggering your depression and help you to develop coping strategies. Moreover, by seeking counselling for depression, you have an opportunity to learn what triggers your reactions to specific things such as fears, places or certain situations. By working with a counsellor for depression, you can develop lifelong techniques to battle your depression.
I hope by answering these questions about depression, it’s given you a clearer understanding of what depression is. If you think you have depression and you’d like to speak to a counsellor, then please do get in touch. You can also take a look at one of my other blog post ‘4 answers to your questions about depression‘.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD).
SAD is a type of depression. It comes and goes in a seasonal pattern. SAD is also known as winter depression and people in Cornwall will be affected by it, just like anyone who lives where it starts to get dark before 4pm at this time of year.
With the official start of Winter season just a few days away, it seems a suitable to write about Seasonal Affective Disorder. SAD is a form of depression that people may feel the onset of, now the days are shorter and colder. Indications of SAD may be one or a combination of:
- A low mood that won’t go away.
- Lack of energy.
- Struggling to get up in the morning.
- A yearning to eat combined with weight gain.
- General irritability.
- An overall sense of malaise.
The symptoms of SAD can be treated, in a similar way to other forms of depression with talking therapies like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT isn’t the only treatment that can help. Others that may have a relieving affect include:
- Exposure to natural sunlight.
- Regular exercise including walking.
- Eat a balanced and healthy diet.
- Antidepressants (GP prescription).
- Light therapy via a special lamp called a light box.
SAD is an acknowledged condition and any counsellor will treat your case with care and compassion, just like any other form of depression. If you live in Cornwall and would like to talk through improving your response to wintry days, do not hesitate to contact me. I also offer SAD sessions via Zoom.
Introduction
As a counsellor who works with men who come to me for help with all kinds of issues, depression is an issue that seems to trouble a lot of men, whether they are young men looking for help with depression or older men who want to see a counsellor who can help with depression, I find that many people have questions like; what is depression? What are the signs of depression? Is depression genetic as well as many more questions around depression.
When I decided to write a post about depression, I noticed that there was a lot of information out there about depression but there didn’t seem to be as much information specifically for men. I think it’s important to write about depression in men simply because men are less likely to ask for help with their mental health than women are.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts – Winston Churchill
With that in mind and the surge in the number of people suffering from depression in the UK, I thought I would write a post sharing the 4 most common questions I’m asked by men about depression, which I hope will answer some of your own questions about depression and give you a better understanding of what depression is and why it affects so many people.
In this post I will answer:
- What is depression?
- What are the symptoms of depression?
- common symptoms of depression
- symptoms common to men
What is depression?
Depression, also referred to as Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and Clinical Depression, is a Common Mental Health Problem (CMHP), with 4 – 10% of people in England, experiencing depression in their lifetime. Depression can be described as a feeling of persistent and enduring sadness or hopelessness.
People suffering from depression often lose the desire to participate in activities they once enjoyed and many feel a sense of shame “for being lazy” as a result.
Depression has a link to genetics but just because Mum or Dad suffered from depression, that does not mean you will too. Depression has been found to be linked to many things besides genetics such as trauma and significant life events; losing your job, for example.
What are the symptoms of depression?
First of all, the symptoms of depression in men, tend to be slightly different to the signs of depression in women. As I’m sure most men reading this blog post will identify, some men (and not all) tend to be less willing to share their feelings with others as well as to themselves and will often hide them. While men will show common signs of depression, there are a few other symptoms to look out for too.
Common symptoms:
- Feeling helpless or hopeless – “there’s no point in anything anymore”.
- A loss of interest in usual activities – this can include anything from personal grooming to going to the shops. A lack of motivation to do even the most “basic things”.
- Changes to your patterns of sleep – this could include trouble getting to sleep, waking early, or oversleeping. This includes insomnia.
Struggling to sleep?
- Low or a loss of energy – feeling sluggish and fatigued with small and simple tasks taking a lot of energy to perform.
- Loss of concentration – difficulty focusing on simple tasks, forgetfulness and trouble with decision making.
- Changes to appetite and weight – you might find that you lose your appetite or start eating more. This will likely have a knock-on effect on your weight.
- Self-criticism – calling yourself “stupid” or an “idiot”, for example. This can be damaging to your self-esteem.
And symptoms of depression that are common in men
- Aches and pains – such as headaches, backache, stomach pain and aching muscles.
- Reckless behaviour – substance abuse, gambling, drinking are more prevalent in men.
- And of course; anger – this could be irritability, sensitivity to criticism, quick temper, road rage or physical violence.
What causes depression?
Unfortunately, there’s no one single cause of depression; losing your job, splitting up with your partner, having a serious illness, being involved in a traumatic event such as a car accident or losing a loved one can all “trigger” depression and in many cases, it’s a combination of things.
For example, the loss of a loved one might leave you feeling upset and down but combined with the ending of a relationship with a partner may leave you feeling as though there’s nobody who cares for you anymore. Stressful events increase the likelihood of suffering from depression.
As mentioned earlier, just because a member of your family suffered from depression, it doesn’t automatically mean you will to. There is, however, a link between depression and genetics but there is more than one factor at play, much like in the example above, meaning that depression isn’t simply caused by one single thing. Your environment, your social surroundings and your own experiences in life will all play a part in how resilient you are to depression.
Another big cause of depression and particularly for men; is drugs and alcohol. “Drowning your sorrows” may seem like a good idea but it can increase the risk of depression. Much like Cannabis, for example. While I’ve heard many men say “it helps me relax”, Cannabis can induce depression, particularly in teenagers.
Reality Check
If you identify with some of the following, you may be suffering from depression.
You feel hopeless and helpless
You’ve lost interest in things you used to enjoy and have cut off from friends.
You’re easily irritated, bad tempered and aggressive.
You’re drinking a lot, have become reckless and have begun self-medicating.
You feel agitated and restless.
Your sleep pattern and your appetite have changed.
You have poor concentration and find it difficult to be productive.
You have negative thoughts that are difficult to control.
Illness, particularly for people with a long-term illness or perhaps a life-threatening illness, such as cancer or heart disease, has a greater risk of suffering from depression.
Something that seems to be under recognised in depression is the impact of head injuries. Not only can the trauma of the injury induce low mood but in severe cases, head injuries can exacerbate emotional problems and trigger mood swings.
Hypothyroidism or an underactive thyroid as it’s commonly referred to can itself lead to extreme tiredness or a loss of interest in sex, which can exacerbate and induce depression.
“Suffering has been stronger than all other teachings and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but – I hope – into a better shape.” – Charles Dickens
What helps with depression?
There are several things you can do that will help with depression. Depression is manageable.
Keep in touch
When we feel depressed, we have a tendency to withdraw and isolate but socialising can have a positive impact on your mood. I know keeping in touch with friends and family can be tough at the moment but if you feel depressed, picking up the phone and talking to a friend and family can really help.
Try to build a positive habit of calling/chatting on a regular basis. It doesn’t have to be the same person; what’s important is that you keep connected to others. Remember, they’re probably feeling lonely too and will probably welcome somebody “just saying hi” and thinking of them.
Stay active
Again, it’s tough to get the exercise we need at the best of times but it’s even harder when we’ve been through a period when we’re only allowed to leave our homes once a day for exercise. The most exercise most of us have had over the last 12 months is lifting the shopping into the back of the car! But, exercise is incredibly important for your mental health and will help with depression. Just like keeping in touch, you might not feel like doing it but when you start to get into the habit of exercising, it will pay dividends.
Start small. Getting into a pattern of going for a 20-minute walk will give you the confidence you need to then build up to a 20-minute job perhaps and so on and so forth. Your self-esteem will improve and along with it, your mood.
Stop procrastinating
If you go back to the symptoms of depression above, you’ll notice a lot of similarities with procrastination. If your energy is low or you think “what’s the point” or “I can’t be bothered”, then you’re more likely to procrastinate. The feeling of guilt when we put something off can linger in the subconscious and make us feel down and ashamed that we haven’t done what needs to be done. A classic example is putting off opening the post.
Will power alone might not be enough, so set yourself some short-term, manageable goals to help you get out of the depressive slump. For example, if you feel as though you need to exercise more but don’t have the energy to get started, break it down. Perhaps you haven’t got the energy to go for a run but could you go for a walk around the block? You might not want to hit the gym but maybe you could do 10 press-ups and 10 sit-ups? Once you start achieving goals, it will get easier. Take a look at my previous post (follow the link above) to help you get started.
“Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone”
― Pablo Picasso
Sleep is important
Your sleep and your mood are very closely linked and depression can often be exacerbated by a lack of sleep or what is known as “poor sleep hygiene“.
To help improve your sleep hygiene and combat depression, try to limit the use of electronic devices before bedtime, ideally, not using them an hour before you go to sleep. If you like to read a book to help you wind down before you go to sleep, try to use a dim light.
“Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.” — Benjamin Franklin
I know it’s difficult with many people spending more time at home these days and many more people working from home but try to use your bedroom for nothing more than sleeping and sexual activity.
If you use your bedroom as a workspace, there’s a possibility you’ll subconsciously link the stress of work with your bedroom, making relaxing and ultimately both falling asleep and having good quality sleep, much more difficult.
I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed. –Michael Jordan
A balanced diet
A poorly balanced diet can leave you feeling sluggish and lack motivation; both of which are symptoms of depression. Consistently eating and consuming sugary food and drinks is going to cause weight gain and a loss of self-esteem; again, these are factors that contribute to depression.
If you eat a balanced diet your mood will improve, you’ll have a better threshold for concentration, you’ll be physically fitter and ultimately, your chances of suffering from depression will be reduced. Here is a handy factsheet that you can download and keep, from the British Association of UK Dieticians.
I hope some of the information here gives you a clearer idea of what depression is, how depression affects men and how you can tackle depression.
As I casually flicked through my Twitter feed I remember the feeling of sadness at seeing another icon of my youth, Keith Flint of ‘The Prodigy’ had committed suicide. The feeling instantly took me back to how I felt in July 2017, when Chester Bennington of Linkin Park, committed suicide too. I was heartbroken. The music of both The Prodigy and Linkin Park elicit fond memories from my teenage years and fill my head and my heart with thoughts and feelings of an optimistic youth with his best years ahead of him.
This is the gift both Keith and Chester gave to me and I will forever be grateful to their pioneering geniuses. Gifts given to me and millions of fans around the world who were uplifted by the energy in both their music and their on stage performances and consoled by the poignancy of their lyrics.
When we lose icons like Chester and Keith as well as men like Chris Cornell from Soundgarden and Audioslave to suicide, it brings the subject to the fore and creates discussions but how many men are seeing suicide as a serious threat to both themselves and their families? Suicide is the single biggest killer of men under 45. Bigger than any cancer.
Suicide claims more lives of British men under 45 years of age than anything else, so shouldn’t we be doing something about it? While suicide affects women, it doesn’t claim nearly as many lives, with the figure being roughly a third of the male suicide rate and yet there is a higher rate of depression diagnosis in women.
There are 15.5 male deaths per 100,000, in the UK, compared to women, with the figure standing at 4.9 female deaths per 100,000. The figures for death by suicide in the United States and Australia, both show similar trends. Men are three times more likely to commit suicide than women, in Australia and in the United States, that figure rises to men being 3.5 times more likely to commit suicide than women.
So why do more men commit suicide than women?
Well, we can identify several ‘risk factors’ and one of the biggest risk factors I am aware of and a risk factor many of my male clients identify as a major issue, is communication, or lack of it. We could put it down to women being more “open” and willing to share their thoughts, feelings and emotions, while men “bottle it up” and feel less able to tell their loved ones or friends what “going on for them” but is it as simple and as straightforward as that?
For too long I feel it is true that western society has for generation after generation encouraged men to be “strong” and to not admit when they are struggling but that’s why many of my clients who seek counselling for men contact me because they realise that they do need to talk to someone. The problem is, by the time they come to me for counselling, they’ve already had many years of experience of not talking about the anxieties.
And its not just how men feel emotionally either. If there is something physically wrong with a man, they are less likely than women to put themselves into the vulnerable position of asking for help. The ‘Health and Social Care bill’ found that men visited their GP’s 20% less frequently than women. It’s not that men don’t have the same issues as women but it’s that men are less likely to share a problem preferring to resolutely say “I’ll be fine”. This attitude puts men at a greater risk of suicide.
What are the other risk factors?
While it’s not unusual to hear of women in the UK drinking excessively, the Samaritans advise that men are more likely to turn to alcohol to when they are in distress, with alcohol being a known risk factor for suicide. Another major risk factor of male suicide is employment. Men are traditionally the “main bread winner” so when unemployment rises as a result of economic downturn, we see an increase in the number of suicides.
A study by Bristol, Manchester and Oxford University, estimated that an additional 1,000 suicides and “30 to 40 thousand” attempts were made as a result of the 2008 financial crisis. While money worries can understandably contribute to a man considering suicide, the reduction in finances, is the tip of the iceberg. Simon Gunning, the CEO of Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) says “We’re brought up our entire lives to judge ourselves in comparison with our peers and to be economically successful. When there are economic factors we can’t control, it becomes very difficult.”
What can be done?
To reduce the number of male deaths by suicide, attitudes towards talking about suicide need to change. If we become more comfortable about talking about suicide, we can become more able to help someone who might be suffering with suicidal thoughts. Here are some ways you can help someone you feel could be contemplating suicide:
Know the warning signs:
- Mood changes – a sudden change from sad to happy can appear as though someone is in “a better place” but it could also be because they have decided that they are prepared to commit suicide.
- Withdrawal – be aware of people who are not going out or socialising as much as they once did.
- Changes to sleeping and eating patterns – someone who eats or sleeps excessively can be a warning sign as much as someone who can’t sleep or doesn’t eat.
- A lack of energy or seeming “run down” – someone who is lethargic may be struggling.
- Poor personal hygiene – if someone isn’t showering, brushing their teeth or wearing clean clothes, could be suffering from poor mental health.
- Drink/drugs/gambling – excessive drinking, gambling and drug taking, can be warning signs that someone has “more going on in their lives” than they are letting on.
- Recklessness – a person who is “risk taking” may be in danger.
- Anger issues – Someone who is easily irritable or seems “always angry”, is possibly struggling with mental health issues.
What can I do to help someone who may be suicidal?
- Be there for them. Give them space to talk, if they need it.
- Don’t pressure them to talk to you if they really don’t want to.
- It’s also ok to ask someone if they feel suicidal. While it can be a scary thing to do, it shows the person that someone is paying attention to them, which can make a difference.
- Try to help the person explore their feelings and it may seem hard but try not to be judgemental if the person is drinking too much or dependant on drugs. They probably realise that already and if they feel judged they’re more likely to respond negatively and reject your help.
- If the person agrees, remove anything that could be used to take their life.
- Get some help – you can call a GP’s surgery, 999 or take them to A&E but stay with them.
- Get support – it’s tough hearing that someone you love or care for is thinking of suicide and it can leave many people feeling upset. Get support from other friends or family members but if you don’t feel you are able to, there are agencies who can support you.
Useful contacts
- Samaritans
116 123 (24 hours)
www.samaritans.org - CALM 0800 58 58 58
Helpline & web chat available 5pm to midnight every day
thecalmzone.net - MIND
0300 123 3393 (Mon – Fri 9am – 6pm)
www.mind.org.uk - Papyrus
Prevention of Young Suicide
0800 068 41 41 (Mon – Fri 10am – 5pm / 7pm – 10pm. Weekends 2pm – 5pm)
www.papyrus-uk.org - Maytree
A sanctuary for the suicidal
020 7263 7070
www.maytree.org.uk/index.php
