Tag: anxiety

The Ultimate Guide to Surviving University: Mental Health, Motivation & Meaning

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On September 14, 2025

In Anxiety, Confidence, Self care, Stress

By Kieran In Student wellbeing, Stress, Motivation, Identity, Self care

University can be one of the most transformative chapters in a person’s life—but it can also be one of the most overwhelming and the prospect of surviving university can feel tough. Around one in six UK undergraduates report mental health challenges Whether you’re just out of college and going to Freshers week, returning as a mature student, or navigating university alongside work and family, the pressure to “get it right” can feel relentless and this post is to help with surviving university. I clearly remember both feelings of anxiety and excitement at the thought of being more independent and moving on from my life in a big town like Cheltenham and leaving sleepy Cornwall behind.

“You’ll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart

George Michael

Deadlines. Debt. Homesickness. Social anxiety. Identity questions. The weight of expectation—both internal and external—can build quietly until it starts to affect your sleep, your relationships, and your sense of self. I certainly felt a lot of pressure to hit the ground running when I arrived in my student digs; pressure to make a good impression with flatmates and fellow students. I remember finding simple things such as where should I do my shopping and how will I make sure I eat healthily enough to not get some awful disease quite overwhelming.

This guide is for the student who’s feeling lost in the noise (like I was). The one who’s questioning whether they belong. The one who’s trying to juggle everything and wondering if it’s all too much.

Let’s explore some practical, compassionate strategies to help you not just survive university—but grow through it.

Don’t forget to download my free Surviving University Toolkit at the end of this post!

a-young-man-studying

Why University Feels So Intense and how to survive

University isn’t just about lectures and essays—it’s a full-body experience. You’re often:

  • Living away from home for the first time
  • Managing finances, food, and friendships
  • Navigating new identities and beliefs
  • Facing academic pressure and performance anxiety
  • Meeting lots of new people
  • Adapting to a town or city you might not know very well

It’s a lot. And yet, many students feel they have to “just get on with it.” That asking for help is weakness. That struggling means they’re failing.

Let me say this clearly: it doesn’t. Treat getting support from your tutor, lecturer or even a counsellor like me as important as attending lectures, handing in assignments on time and sitting exams.

Struggle is part of growth. And support is part of success.

Technique 1: The “Micro-Moment” Method

When everything feels overwhelming, zoom in.

Instead of trying to fix your whole life, focus on one small moment:

  • Make your bed
  • Drink a glass of water
  • Step outside for 2 minutes
  • Text a friend “thinking of you”

These micro-moments help regulate your nervous system and build momentum. They’re not trivial—they’re foundational.

 “If I cannot do great things, I can do small things in a great way.”

Martin Luther King, Jr. 

Technique 2: The “Permission Slip” Practice

Write yourself a permission slip. Literally.

“I give myself permission to rest.” “I give myself permission to not know everything.” “I give myself permission to feel sad today.”

This simple act can reduce shame and increase self-compassion. It’s a tool I often use in therapy sessions with students who feel trapped by perfectionism.

Technique 3: The “Belonging Inventory”

University can trigger deep questions about identity and belonging. Try this journaling prompt:

  • Where do I feel most like myself?
  • Who makes me feel safe?
  • What spaces energise me?
  • What beliefs no longer fit?

This inventory helps you reconnect with your values and find your people. Belonging isn’t about fitting in—it’s about feeling seen.

Anxious about surviving university?

Schedule a call

Contact me here

Technique 4: The “Stress Spiral Interrupt”

When your thoughts start spiraling—“I’m behind, I’ll fail, I’m not good enough”—use this 3-step tool:

  1. Name it: “I’m catastrophising.”
  2. Ground it: “What’s the actual problem right now?”
  3. Shift it: “What’s one thing I can do today?”

This technique helps you move from panic to presence. It’s not about ignoring stress—it’s about interrupting its momentum.

Technique 5: The “Connection Ritual”

Loneliness is one of the most common struggles at university. Create a weekly ritual that fosters connection:

  • A walk with a flatmate
  • A call to someone back home
  • A shared meal with coursemates
  • A club or society meetup

You don’t have to be extroverted. You just have to be intentional.

I remember feeling isolated myself at times when I was at university, so I can speak from first hand experience as well as being an experienced counsellor who has worked with many students feeling the same way when I say it is important to remain connected and feel part of something.

a-young-female-student-in-a-red-top-is-thinking

When It’s More Than Just Stress

Sometimes the pressure of university reveals deeper challenges—anxiety, depression, trauma, identity confusion. That’s okay. That’s human. Afterall, just because we’ve left friends, family and familiarity behind, it doesn’t mean problems we had before we enrolled are left behind too.

Counselling offers a safe, confidential space to explore these layers. Whether you’re dealing with academic burnout, relationship strain, or emotional overwhelm, support is available.

As a counsellor, I work with students across Cornwall and online to help them find clarity, confidence, and calm. You don’t have to wait until crisis hits. You’re allowed to ask for help now.

“Not all those who wander are lost.”

J.R.R. Tolkein

Final Thoughts on surviving university: You’re Allowed to Thrive

University isn’t just about grades—it’s about growth. And growth is messy, nonlinear, and deeply personal. Surviving university doesn’t have to a slog.

Whether you try the micro-moment method, write yourself a permission slip, or reach out for counselling, know this:

You’re not alone. You’re not failing. You’re becoming.

And that’s something worth celebrating.

Take it from me, someone who spent 4 years wondering if they were making the right decisions, on the right degree course and whether they were building the right future that taking control of life at university is paramount. If you feel as though you need some support from a professional counsellor like me, then contact me here.

Want more support?

📘 Download the Student Survival Toolkit (Free PDF)

A gentle, practical guide to help you manage stress, find belonging, and thrive at university.

Need help with anger?

If you would like to talk to someone confidentially about managing anger, then I can help.

Help is here
Woman practicing meditationmental health therapy in Cornwall

Stress & Anger Relief: Simple Techniques in Cornwall

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On July 30, 2025

In Anger management, Anxiety, Confidence, Self care, Stress

Stress and anger are two of the most common emotional challenges men, women, teenagers will face—and yet, they’re often the least talked about. Whether it’s the pressure of work, relationship strain, exam worries or just the weight of daily responsibilities, these emotions can build quietly until they erupt, indeed when they do, they don’t just affect your mood—they impact your health, your relationships, and your sense of self. I know, I’ve been there. It shapes who you are. You become the moody person and if you feel it, others will too.

As someone who offers mental health services for men in Cornwall, across online platforms and to women and young people too, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when people begin to explore their stress and anger—not as flaws, but as signals. Signals that something needs attention. Signals that change is possible. Change that I can help elicit.

Focused workspace with laptop and journal – promoting mindfulness and breathing techniques for stress relief

This blog is for the man, woman or child who’s been holding it all in. The one who’s tired of snapping, tired of feeling overwhelmed, and ready to find a calmer way forward. I’ll share a few practical techniques you can start using today, including one you’ll find in my very first video: Instant Anxiety Relief in Under 30 Seconds With One Simple Trick. And if you’re ready to go deeper, therapy in Cornwall might be the next step.

Why Stress and Anger Feel So Hard to Manage

Let’s start with the basics. Stress and anger aren’t just emotions—they’re physiological responses. When something feels threatening (even if it’s just a tight deadline or a difficult conversation), your body kicks into gear. Heart rate increases. Muscles tense. Breathing becomes shallow. You’re ready to fight, flee, or freeze.

Historically, this response is ancient—it helped our ancestors survive real danger. Think how a cat reacts when it sees a dog if that helps. Yet today, this same reaction is often triggered by things we can’t punch or run from—emails, bills, university worries, what friends think of us, unresolved arguments, or internal pressure to “keep it together.”

In addition, while anger isn’t only expressed by men—far from it—it often becomes the only emotion that feels safe to show. I’m sure many women reading this blog have a son or a partner who only seems to communicate this way. Sadness, fear, vulnerability? Those get buried. But anger? That’s allowed. That’s familiar.

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.” 

Benjamin Franklin

The problem is, when anger becomes your default, it starts to erode everything around you. Relationships suffer. Work becomes tense. Maladaptive coping mechanism like smoking or porn use can seem like the only way out. And your own mental health begins to fray.

That’s where anger management counselling in Cornwall comes in. It’s not about suppressing anger—it’s about understanding it. It’s about learning to respond, not react.

Technique 1: Box Breathing (Featured in My Video)

Let’s start with something simple. Something you can do anywhere, anytime.

Box breathing is a technique used by athletes, military personnel, and therapists alike. It’s designed to calm your nervous system and bring you back to centre.

Here’s how it works:

  1. Inhale for 4 seconds
  2. Hold your breath for 4 seconds
  3. Exhale for 4 seconds
  4. Hold again for 4 seconds
  5. Repeat for 4–5 cycles

This technique activates your parasympathetic nervous system—the part of your body responsible for rest and recovery. It’s like hitting the reset button on your stress response.

I walk you through this in my video: 🎥 Instant Anxiety Relief in Under 30 Seconds With One Simple Trick

This is a great tool for moments when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or on the edge of an outburst. It’s discreet, effective, and backed by science.

Technique 2: The “Name It to Tame It” Method

This one comes from neuroscience and therapy. When you name what you’re feeling—literally say it out loud or write it down—you reduce its intensity.

In essence, naming an emotion activates the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for reasoning and regulation. It helps shift you out of survival mode and into reflection.

Try this:

  • “I’m feeling frustrated because I don’t feel heard.”
  • “I’m anxious because I’m worried I’ll mess this up.”
  • “I’m angry because I feel disrespected.”

You don’t have to fix it right away. Just name it. That alone can reduce the emotional charge.

This technique is especially useful in relationships. Instead of snapping or shutting down, you can say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. I need a minute.” That’s emotional intelligence in action.

Technique 3: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

As I’ve mentioned in at least one of my previous blog posts, this technique continues to resonate with many people who come to me for counselling. That’s because it provides a real sense of actively “doing something” with your whole body—and that kind of physical engagement can genuinely lift your mood.

Building on that, you’ll often find that stress lives in the body: tight shoulders, clenched jaw, fidgeting hands. Progressive muscle relaxation helps you release that tension—one muscle group at a time.

Here’s a quick version:

  1. Sit or lie down comfortably
  2. Starting at your feet, tense the muscles for 5 seconds
  3. Release and notice the difference
  4. Move up to your calves, thighs, stomach, chest, arms, and face
  5. Breathe slowly throughout

This technique is great before bed, after a stressful meeting, or when you feel physically wound up. It’s also something I use in Cornwall therapy sessions to help clients reconnect with their bodies.

Technique 4: The “Stop–Drop–Reflect” Method

This is a cognitive tool I use often in anger management Cornwall sessions. It’s designed to interrupt reactive patterns and create space for choice. It’s really simple.

Here’s how it works:

  • Stop: When you feel anger rising, pause. Don’t speak. Don’t act. Just stop.
  • Drop: Drop into your body. Notice your breath, your posture, your tension.
  • Reflect: Ask yourself, “What am I really feeling? What do I need right now?”

This method helps you move from automatic reaction to intentional response. It’s not about being passive—it’s about being powerful in your choices and giving you agency back.

Technique 5: Journaling for Emotional Clarity

You don’t have to be a writer to benefit from journaling. Just grab a notebook and let your thoughts spill out. No filter. No judgment. I find many counselling clients find journaling very helpful for relieving stress and anger.

Here’s a simple prompt:

  • “What’s been weighing on me lately?”
  • “What am I angry about that I haven’t said?”
  • “What do I wish someone understood about me?”
  • “What has been stressful for me today?”

Writing helps you process emotions that feel tangled or stuck. It’s also a great way to track patterns—what triggers you, what calms you, what helps you feel more like yourself.

Many of my clients in therapy Cornwall use journaling between sessions to deepen their self-awareness and accelerate their growth. It helps to “bridge the gap” between counselling session too.

Person sitting peacefully by water under - mindful breathing for emotional balance
“The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.” – B.B. King

Why These Techniques Work to help with stress and anger

Each of these tools is designed to interrupt the stress cycle.

When you’re caught in a loop of anxiety or anger, stress or worry your nervous system is in overdrive. These techniques help you shift gears—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

They’re not magic. They don’t erase problems. There’s no silver bullet to alleviate the symptoms of anxiety and anger But they give you space. And in that space, you can choose something different.

That’s the heart of therapy: creating space for change.

What If It’s More Than Just Stress?

Sometimes stress and anger are symptoms of something deeper—trauma, unresolved grief, relationship strain, or identity struggles. That’s where counselling comes in. That’s where an experienced counsellor such as myself can help.

As a sex therapist in Cornwall, I also work with men navigating issues around intimacy, shame, and emotional disconnect. These challenges often show up as anger or anxiety, but they’re rooted in deeper stories.

Counselling offers a safe, confidential space to explore those stories. To unpack what’s been buried. To rewrite the narrative.

Whether you’re dealing with workplace stress, relationship tension, or emotional overwhelm, the mental health services for men in Cornwall I provide are here to support you.

What to Expect from Counselling

If you’re considering therapy, here’s what it might look like:

  • A safe space to talk without judgment or pressure
  • Structured weekly sessions focused on your goals
  • Evidence-based techniques like CBT, PCT, and Solution Focused Therapy
  • Support for anger, stress, anxiety, trauma, and more

You don’t have to have a diagnosis and you don’t have to be in crisis. You just have to be ready to explore what’s going on—and what’s possible. As an experienced counsellor, I can help you with the things that are troubling you. You can contact me here, if you’d like more information or book a session here if you’re ready to begin counselling.

One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.” 

Abraham Maslow. 

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

Stress and anger don’t make you weak. They make you human. Man, woman and child can all benefit from a space to talk. And learning to manage emotions isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress.

Whether you use the breathing technique from my video, try journaling, or decide to book a session, know this: you’re allowed to feel better. You’re allowed to ask for support. You’re allowed to change.

And whether you’re in Cornwall or online, that support is right here.

Ready to take the next step? 📘 Learn more or book your free consultation: 👉 hisownmancounselling.co.uk/?utm_source=blog&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=present_focus

Need help with anger?

If you would like to talk to someone confidentially about managing anger, then I can help.

Help is here

5 Signs You Might Benefit From Counselling

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On July 15, 2025

In Anxiety, Depression, Infographic, Self care

5 Signs You Might Benefit From Counselling

Recognising these signs can be the first step toward emotional well-being.

Infographic – 5 Signs You Might Benefit From Counselling

Learn more at hisownmancounselling.co.uk

a side profile of a bearded man with a wooly hat on and a red scarf who looks sad

From Bottled-Up to Breakthrough: A Real Story of Anger, Stigma, Man and Counselling

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On June 24, 2025

In Anger management, Anxiety, Confidence, Depression, Self care

For many men, the idea of counselling (I often hear now referred to as ‘man counselling’) feels like a foreign concept—something reserved for “when things get really bad,” or worse, something that’s simply not for them. According to the Counselling Directory, only 36% of NHS referrals for psychological therapies in England are for men, despite 12.5% of men having a diagnosable mental health disorder . The truth is, counselling isn’t about weakness. It’s about strength. It’s about choosing to face what’s difficult rather than burying it. And for a lot of us, that’s the hardest part.

Clearly, in my work supporting men through anger management, stress, anxiety emotional overwhelm and with many other common mental health disorders, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when someone decides to take that first step. Undoubtedly, I’ve also seen how stigma—both internal and external—can keep that step just out of reach.

This post is for the man who’s been holding it all in. The one who’s been told to “man up,” to “get on with it,” to “stop overthinking.” If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep carrying it all by yourself.

a-man-looking-anxious-looking-out-of-a-window

The Messages We Inherit

From a young age, many of us are taught a very narrow definition of what it means to be a man. We’re told to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant. We’re praised for our ability to “keep it together” and discouraged from showing vulnerability.

Some people want it to happen, some wish it could happen, others make it happen – Michael Jordan

Crying? That’s weak. Talking about your feelings? That’s soft. Asking for help? That’s failure.

These messages might not always be spoken aloud, but they’re there—in the way we’re raised, the media we consume, the way our mates talk about emotions (or don’t). Over time, they become internalised. And when life gets hard—as it inevitably does—we often don’t have the tools or the language to deal with it.

Instead, we bottle it up. We push it down. We tell ourselves to get over it. Until one day, it all spills out. Without doubt, this isn’t healthy.

When Anger Becomes the Default

One of the most common ways this emotional suppression shows up is through anger. And that’s why anger management for men is such a vital part of the conversation.

Anger is often misunderstood. It’s not inherently bad—it’s a signal. A flare going up to say, “Something’s not right.” But when we don’t know how to interpret that signal, or when we’ve been taught to ignore everything underneath it, anger becomes the only emotion we allow ourselves to feel.

I’ve worked with men who describe themselves as “always on edge,” “quick to snap,” or “just not myself anymore.” They’re not bad people. They’re not broken. They’re overwhelmed. And they’ve never been given permission—or the tools—to unpack what’s really going on.

My Own Turning Point

I’ll be honest: I didn’t always believe in man counselling (or counselling for women, for that matter) either. I thought I had to figure everything out on my own. For me, opening up would make me look weak. I thought no one would understand.

It wasn’t until I sat in my first counselling session—nervous, guarded, unsure of what to say—that something shifted. I didn’t have to have the perfect words. There was no need to have to explain everything straight away. I just had to start.

And once I did, I realised how much I’d been carrying. How much I’d been hiding. How much I needed that space to just be honest—for the first time in a long time.

That session didn’t fix everything overnight. But it was the beginning of something better. It was the first time I felt like I could breathe again.

The Cost of Staying Silent

When we don’t talk about what’s going on, it doesn’t go away. It just finds other ways to show up—often in ways that hurt us or the people around us.

Maybe it’s snapping at your partner over something small. Perhaps it’s withdrawing from your mates because you don’t want to talk. Maybe it’s drinking more than usual just to take the edge off. Maybe it’s lying awake at night, your mind racing with everything you can’t say out loud.

These are signs—not of failure, but of pressure. And pressure needs a release valve. Without one, it builds. And builds. And builds.

That’s why counselling matters. It’s not about fixing you. It’s about giving you space to understand yourself. To process what’s going on beneath the surface. To learn new ways of coping that don’t involve shutting down or lashing out.

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” —Thomas Edison

What Man Counselling Actually Looks Like

Let’s demystify it a bit. Counselling isn’t lying on a couch while someone nods silently and takes notes. It’s a conversation. A safe, confidential space where you can talk about what’s really going on—without judgment, without pressure, and without having to “have it all together”. Man counselling or any type of counselling, doesn’t involve putting on a brave face and pretending “everything’s fine”, when perhaps it isn’t.

You set the pace. You decide what you want to explore. And over time, you start to notice the patterns. The triggers. The beliefs that have been shaping your behaviour for years.

In my counselling sessions with men, we often talk about:

  • Workplace stress and the pressure to perform
  • Relationship challenges and communication breakdowns
  • Unresolved anger and how it shows up in daily life
  • Low self-worth and the inner critic that never shuts up
  • The fear of being vulnerable and what it means to be emotionally honest
  • Fatherhood and the pressures of setting the right example to your children

And through those conversations, something powerful happens: clarity. Relief. A sense of control that doesn’t come from bottling things up, but from understanding them.

“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts”

 winston churchill

One Client’s Story

Let me tell you about a client—we’ll call him Tom. He came to counselling after a heated argument at work that left him shaken. It wasn’t the first time he’d lost his temper, but this time felt different. He was scared of what he might do next.

At first, he was sceptical. Indeed he referred to it as “man counselling” when we first spoke on the phone. He didn’t think talking would help. But he showed up. Week after week. And slowly, he started to open up and felt the benefits of counselling.

We talked about his childhood—how anger was the only emotion that was ever acknowledged in his family. He talked about how the idea of man counselling was a foreign concept to his ex military father. We talked about his job—how he felt constantly under pressure but never able to say no. We talked about his relationship—how he wanted to be more present, but didn’t know how to switch off.

Over time, Tom began to recognise his triggers. He learned how to pause before reacting. How to practice new ways of expressing himself—ways that felt authentic, not forced. He took risks with being vulnerable to those close to him.

And the best part? He started to feel more like himself again. Not a different person. Just a more grounded, more self-aware version of who he already was. Who knew man counselling could be so effective?

Rewriting the Narrative

The stigma around men’s mental health and man counselling is slowly shifting. More men are speaking up. More men are seeking support. But we still have work to do.

Every time a man chooses to talk instead of shut down, he challenges the old narrative. Every time a man says, “I’m struggling,” he gives others permission to do the same.

If you’re reading this and something resonates and you feel man counselling could help you—if you’ve been feeling stuck, angry, or overwhelmed—know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.

Counselling isn’t about being broken. It’s about being brave enough to want something better.

man-counselling

What You Can Do Today

If you’re not sure where to start, that’s okay. Start small. Be honest and start with a conversation.

  • Talk to someone you trust. A friend, a partner, a colleague. Let them know you’re finding things tough.
  • Journal your thoughts. Sometimes writing things down can help you make sense of what’s going on.
  • Book a consultation. Even if you’re not sure what you want to talk about, showing up is a powerful first step. You can book an appointment with me here (or if you can’t find a time that suits you, you can contact me here and I’ll see what I can do).

And if you’re ready to explore counselling, I offer a free consultation to help you decide if it’s the right fit. No pressure. Just a chance to talk.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to wait for a crisis to seek support. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to deserve help. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Whether you’re dealing with anger management, stress, relationship issues, or just a general sense that something’s not right—counselling can help you find your footing again.

It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about reconnecting with the parts of you that have been buried under pressure, expectation, and silence.

You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to struggle. And you’re allowed to get support.

Because being your own man doesn’t mean doing it all alone. It means choosing what’s right for you—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

Need help with anger?

If you would like to talk to someone confidentially about managing anger, then I can help.

Help is here

8 Questions You Might Be Afraid to Ask About Depression

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On August 12, 2022

In Depression, Uncategorized

Introduction

Depression and anxiety can be really scary. Even though mental illnesses are common, they’re still stigmatised. That makes people who are suffering from these conditions even more reluctant to seek help because they fear being judged or misunderstood.

It’s important to remember that you’re not alone: Millions of people struggle with depression and anxiety each year, but many don’t seek treatment for a variety of reasons. That’s why I’ve put together this list of questions you might be afraid to ask about your own depression—from how long it lasts to whether it affects your sex life!

1# Is depression a real illness?

Depression is a real illness. It’s not something you should be ashamed of, and it’s not something that means you’re weak or a failure. Depression is treatable, and there are plenty of people who have gotten through depression and come out on the other side stronger than before.

Some people believe that depression isn’t an actual illness because there isn’t any proof that it affects the biological makeup of the brain physically like other conditions do—but we know more now than ever before about how complex our brains are, how they work together with other organs in our bodies to keep us alive every day without even thinking about it until something goes wrong somewhere along this system (like when someone becomes depressed).

Success is falling 9 times and getting up 10 – Jon Bon Jovi

#2 How long does depression last?

You may have heard that depression is a lifelong condition and will never go away. While this is true for some people, it’s not true for everyone: depression can last weeks, months or even years. You might also be wondering how long you’ll need to take to see a counsellor before feeling better. The truth is that there’s no way to predict how long it will take you to recover from depression—it depends on many factors, including what caused your symptoms in the first place (if we knew that, we could prevent it!)

Do you need help with depression?

I can help

If left untreated for too long without support from a professional as well as friends, family and loved ones then symptoms may worsen into something more serious such as suicidal thoughts.

Depression may come back but sometimes the symptoms are milder than they were at first, which means that we can help manage them through lifestyle changes and counselling sessions. But if you don’t learn how to cope with stressors, then this problem might reoccur in new ways.

You’re braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think – A.A Milne

#3 Does having depression make me crazy?

You might have heard that depression is a sign of weakness or an indication that you’re crazy. The truth is much simpler: Depression is a real illness, and it’s not your fault. It’s not about being weak or crazy, but rather about having an imbalance of brain chemicals — specifically serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine — that can cause changes in your mood, sleeping patterns and energy levels.

When you have depression, you might feel like you’re constantly running on empty with no hope for relief in sight. But there are many ways to manage symptoms of depression so you can get back to living life again without feeling this way every day

While it may seem intimidating at first, don’t be afraid to ask questions about depression. It’s important to get a full picture of what causes this illness so you can make an informed decision on how best to treat it.

If you’d like to talk to me about depression, then please feel free to get in touch.

#4 What’s the difference between grief and depression?

Depression is not the same as grieving. Depression is a medical condition, whereas grief is a normal response to loss. Grieving involves processing your feelings through talking about them with others, such as a counsellor and doing things like writing in a journal, which helps you move on with your life. If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, it’s important that you speak to a professional about getting treatment—medication or therapy—to manage those symptoms.

Depression can last for days or weeks at a time, but usually less than six months; if it lasts longer than that, it could be indicative of clinical depression.

Remember that grief is a healthy process, while depression is not. If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, it’s important that you speak to a professional about getting treatment. I can help you to process your grief or help you to work through your depression.

If my mind can conceive it and my heart can believe it, then I can achieve it – Muhammad Ali

#5 Can I get depression again if I’ve had it before?

It’s normal to worry that depression will come back. After all, you’ve been through it before and it was hard. You’re not sure how you’ll handle it if it happens again.

Depression is a chronic illness, which means that it can be recurring. It may come back at any point in your life—and even after you’ve had years of feeling stable and happy—but there are things you can do to make sure that if depression hits again, you’ll know how to handle it better than last time!

If depression does come back, it’s important to remember that it isn’t your fault.

Depression is not a sign of weakness or laziness. It’s not something you can just “get over” with a little effort—depression is an illness that needs treatment from professionals, such as a counsellor like me, who understand the disease and how best to help people with it. If depression comes back again later in life, it can still be treated.

#6 If my family has a history of mental illness, am I likely to develop a mental illness too?

This question is one of the most common. It’s important to know that depression can be passed down from parent to child, or it can occur as a result of environmental factors. The National Institute of Mental Health (the leading agency for mental health research in the United States) states: “Genetics does not determine whether someone develops depression.” Instead, genetics likely play a role in how patients respond to life events and stressors.

If you’re afraid to ask yourself whether or not your family has a history of mental illness, don’t be. There are many factors that can play into whether or not you develop depression. If there is any cause for concern in your family, talk to a doctor or a mental health professional like me, about what steps you might take now to prevent mental illness later on.

A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new – Albert Einstein

Are you worried about your mental health?

Contact me now to arrange a safe and confidential space to talk through your concerns with a professional counsellor.

I can help

#7 Can a lack of sleep cause depression?

Does lack of sleep cause depression? Yes, it certainly can. Lack of sleep can lead to anxiety, stress and irritability which are all triggers for depression. When you’re not getting the right amount of sleep, your body doesn’t have enough time to repair itself from the day before. This means that any physical or mental issues you might have — like stress-related heart problems or mental exhaustion — will come back even stronger on top of each other.

Long-term lack of sleep can cause poor concentration, fatigue and even depression. If you’re dealing with these symptoms then it’s worth looking into how much sleep you’ve been getting recently because it may be affecting your mental health more than you think.

Some people want it to happen, some wish it could happen, others make it happen – Michael Jordan

#8 Can medication help with depression, and if so, why should I try counselling first (or at all)?

Medications for depression (along with medication for anxiety) are among the most prescribed drugs in the world, with over 6 million people in the UK alone, taking anti-depressants. Many people see ‘anti-depressants’ as a ‘magic bullet’ to their mental illness and while this isn’t always the case, many people see quick improvements in their mental health, particularly in the short term. However, many anti-depressants have adverse side effects such as;

  • feeling agitated, shaky or anxious.
  • feeling and being sick.
  • indigestion and stomach aches.
  • diarrhoea or constipation.
  • loss of appetite.
  • dizziness.
  • not sleeping well (insomnia), or feeling very sleepy.
  • headaches.

the list above is not exhaustive!

There is nothing impossible to him who will try – Alexander the Great

It’s also worth bearing in mind that anti-depressants are often prescribed on a ‘trial and error’ basis, where the drug will be changed to another type if the patient isn’t getting the intended relief.

When it comes to talking therapy such as counselling, the results have proven to be longer-lasting than with medications.

Counselling can help you to identify what is triggering your depression and help you to develop coping strategies. Moreover, by seeking counselling for depression, you have an opportunity to learn what triggers your reactions to specific things such as fears, places or certain situations. By working with a counsellor for depression, you can develop lifelong techniques to battle your depression.

I hope by answering these questions about depression, it’s given you a clearer understanding of what depression is. If you think you have depression and you’d like to speak to a counsellor, then please do get in touch. You can also take a look at one of my other blog post ‘4 answers to your questions about depression‘.

Need help with anger?

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Return to work anxiety in Cornwall

Return to work triggers anxiety amongst office workers

By

On November 11, 2021

In Anxiety

I am seeing and hearing more examples of people with anxiety about returning to the office. I think this is to be expected after so many people have been working so long from home. For many, having been away from the workplace for over a year, the concern is about what the new social norms are. Doubt and uncertainty drives anxiety and the brain gets spooked by this (as it does by ambiguity generally). Some people can self-manage successfully their anxiety symptoms, others may need some professional counselling help.

If you feel anxious and you work in Cornwall, then the good news is that you will not be alone. Your reaction about going back to the office is both predictable and understandable. There will be many others like you. Just because not everybody is prepared to admit it publicly, doesn’t mean anxiety is not an issue for many.

How to tackle feelings of unease about going back to the office

One of the most effective ways to deal with unease is to confront it and give a name(s) to what the sense of unease is. The process of naming shifts the brain’s patterns away from anxiety to problem solving – a distraction. This is something you can try yourself, without anyone knowing, and sense whether it is having a calming effect or not. If the effect is positive, repeat the exercise and start to build social resilience.

If your anxiety is more acute and the exercise is not making any difference, then you might consider further professional help.

Return to a place of work is an inevitability and thousands of workers in towns across Cornwall will be adjusting to a working pattern that is familiar on one hand, and different on the other. Remember that office social anxiety is a totally natural feeling, having spent so long away. Especially if you are someone who has enjoyed your own company working from home.

A reminder of some quick tips for coping with anxiety:

  • Create space in your mind and in your day to rationalise any fears.
  • To aid a sense of calm, try a meditation exercise that you can do quietly during a break or at lunch.
  • At a point of anxiety write down how you feel. This has the effect of distracting the brain from what is causing your sense of unease.
  • If self-help is proving ineffective, do not blame yourself. You might need some assistance from a professional (who will be happy to help).

Are you anxious about returning to the office?

As an experienced counsellor in Camborne and working across the county, I am able to help you work through any anxieties about returning to your office or place of work. Call me on 07851512049 and let’s work together on making the work place somewhere that you can get ready to go back to.

A-man-wearing-a-takeaway-bag-on-his-head-in-a-mock-HAZMAT-style

Push Through the Pandemic With Solid Self-Care Strategies

By

On November 24, 2020

In Self care

I’d like to say a big thank you to hisownman’s guest blogger Cheryl Conkin over at Wellcentral.info for writing this awesome article!

Initial research suggests that COVID-19 has an adverse effect on mental health, and mental health appears to improve when restrictions are lightened and individuals are not relegated to just their homes. While this makes sense to many, it can still be difficult to revert back to your old routine, especially for men who have shifted to working from home and taking on even more household responsibilities.

Embracing the art of self-care is just as important for men as it is for women, and Hisownmancounselling.co.uk wants to help. Here are a few easy ways any man can boost his spirits in the days following the COVID-19 pandemic.

“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. ” – Oscar Wilde

Revamp Your Surroundings

If you have been stuck at home for a while, you may be tired of staring at the same layout and the same decor. Tense feelings may also build up if your family is arguing and complaining or being critical of one another.

You can relieve built-up tension by turning your home into a fresh and vibrant space in a few easy steps:

  • Open the curtains to let more light in.
  • Move the furniture around for a fresh perspective.
  • Add some plants to a room.
  • Declutter spaces like doorways and offices.
  • Add mirrors to make a space look larger.

“An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly.” – Unknown

Sort Out Your Grooming Routine

It is all too easy to go for days without styling your hair, shaving or even showering. While a shaggy look can be appealing, try not to neglect your grooming routine, especially during a quarantine.  If you have not done so yet, research which skin and hair products are best suited for your needs. Some products you may wish to add to your cabinet include foot lotion, facial scrub and eye cream (for those dark circles).

Aim for Quality Sleep

If there is a lot on your mind as far as work and health are concerned, it can be difficult to get a good night’s sleep. Sleep deprivation can affect everything from your productivity to your driving ability. If you are having trouble sleeping, you may wish to consult your physician about supplements and try turning in earlier.

“If you get tired, learn to rest, not to quit.” – Banksy

Take a Breather Once a Day

“Me time” is not a concept that is exclusively used for mums. Men have a lot to deal with, too, and if you do not have some sort of outlet, your pent-up feelings could burst forth in a way you may regret. Learning when you need to step away can be difficult. Try scheduling in a specific block of your day that you can use to be alone or do something you enjoy. If you are still struggling with anger management or overwhelming feelings, you might consider talking with a counsellor.

Try this

Sit somewhere quiet with a coffee. Close your eyes and notice how the cup or mug feels. Notice the heat coming through the mug to your hands. Take a deep sniff of the coffee. Notice how it smells. These actions “bring you back to the present” and can help you feel more relaxed and calm.

Overhaul Your Diet

The foods you eat play a direct role in your overall health. Ready-made and processed foods can contribute to feelings of depression and anxiety. The BBC notes choosing to indulge in healthy amounts of fruits and vegetables as a part of a healthy lifestyle, however, could add years to your life. There are even particular foods that are great for men to eat regularly:

  • Beans are great for the heart and testosterone levels.
  • Oysters are heart-healthy and boost your immune system.
  • Grapes are also good for testosterone levels.
  • Watermelon improves blood circulation.
  • Garlic aids in fighting disease and infection.
  • Eggs are a good source of vitamin D.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
Mark Twain

Go Easy on Yourself

Most importantly, in the middle of a global pandemic, you need to go easy on yourself. Find what helps you feel more like your old self, whether that is changing around the furniture, going to bed earlier or switching up the snacks you choose. With a little focus on yourself from time to time, you may find you enjoy life more than before.

Connect with Hisownmancounselling.co.uk for more information on living a happy and healthy lifestyle!

Need some help?

Contact me
a-boy-sat-on-the-floor-in-a-library-with-a-laptop-in-his-lap-looking-unhappy

Anxiety rises among teenagers and children

By

On February 18, 2019

In Anxiety

As a counsellor who has worked with dozens and dozens of young people, from 7 years old and upwards and worked with organisations such as Kooth, the Scout Association, the YMCA and the Army Cadet Force (ACF), it never ceases to amaze me how many young people are affected by social media and how complicated life has become for people since the advent of platforms such as Snapchat, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram.  Anxiety is just one of the many issues caused by social media for teenagers and children, in the 21st century.

Ironically, while I was looking through my Twitter feed, I came across an article that reported the number of young people in the UK who say they do not believe that life is worth living, has doubled in the last decade, amid a sense of overwhelming pressure from social media which is driving feelings of inadequacy, new research suggests.

All our dreams can come true, if we have the courage to pursue them. – Walt Disney

The article went on to talk about the rapid rise in young people who were unhappy with their lives.  In 2009, only 9% of 16-25-year-olds disagreed with the statement that “life is really worth living”, but that has now risen to 18%. More than a quarter also disagree that that their life has a sense of purpose, according to a YouGov survey of 2,162 people for the Prince’s Trust (who do an incredible job), a charity that helps 11 to 30-year-olds into education, training and work. Youth happiness levels have fallen most sharply over the last decade in respect of relationships with friends and emotional health, the survey found, while satisfaction with issues like money and accommodation have remained steady.

The Prince’s Trust has been gauging youth opinion for 10 years and found that just under half of young people who use social media now feel more anxious about their future when they compare themselves to others on sites and apps such as Instagram, Twitter and Facebook. A similar amount agree that social media makes them feel “inadequate”. More than half (57%) think social media creates “overwhelming pressure” to succeed.  Anxiety has become a real problem for young people.

The gloomy view on life being taken by a growing minority of young people comes amid reports of an increased rate of teenage suicide. It was reported on Sunday that official statistics due later this year will show that suicides now occur at more than five in 100,000 teenagers in England. That contrasts with a figure of just over three in 100,000 in 2010.

A graph that shows the rise of anxiety believed to caused by social media

Source: Prince’s Trust eBay Youth Index/You Gov (Online poll of 2,162 adults aged 16-25 between 13 November and 2 December 2018

“Social media has become omnipresent in the lives of young people and this research suggests it is exacerbating what is already an uncertain and emotionally turbulent time,” said Nick Stace, UK chief executive of The Prince’s Trust. “Young people are critical to the future success of this country, but they’ll only realise their full potential if they believe in themselves and define success in their own terms. It is therefore a moral and economic imperative that employers, government, charities and wider communities put the needs of young people centre stage.”

There were positive feelings about social media too. A third of people said being on social media makes them feel like they can have a voice for their generation and influence positive change, and more than a quarter said it made them happy. However, playing sport (44%), earning enough money to live how they want (62%) and spending time with family (77%) were more likely to drive happiness. Four out of 10 young people said they felt more confident online than they do in person, but that rises to almost half among the youngest age group, 16 to 18-year-olds.

It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop. – Confucius

The findings follow public pressure on the government to toughen the regulation of social media companies, which use algorithms to target users with tailored content. Government Ministers have asked the chief medical officer, Dame Sally Davies, to draw up advice on social media usage for children amid growing concerns about links between its excessive use and mental health problems among children.

a tree and various social media icons hang from its branches, like fruit

Education secretary Damian Hinds, said at the weekend that social media companies have a “moral duty” to act. He announced that children will have lessons in how to deal with the pressures of social media.

Tskenya Frazer, 24, a habitual Instagram and Twitter user until recently, said she would “feel bad” about her own life when looking at posts from friends about holidays, work promotions, new cars or homes. It also made her question her body image.

“As soon as I woke up I would be on Instagram, scrolling through,” she said. “I would be on a page with a girl with the most perfect body.”

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts. – Winston Churchill

“Social media reinforces those feelings of not being good enough, that you’re too fat, and that is toxic,” Frazer said. “Social media doesn’t induce those feelings but it heightens them.”

The Prince’s Trust creates an index based on happiness and confidence which stood at 73 in 2009. It is now at its lowest level yet at 69.

But young people need social media, right?

So with all the statistics and opinion in mind, there is clearly a link between anxiety in young people and social media.  But as we must also realise, social media is a very important aspect of children and teenagers’ lives.  Teenagers and children, use social media for a myriad of reasons such as to simply have fun; Fortnight is an incredibly popular multiplayer online game at the moment and an extension of that too is somewhere for teenagers and children to make and maintain friendships through “chat”, this allows them to share interests as well.

Social media also gives children and teenagers the opportunity to explore their identities and develop relationships with family.  Many children and young people (and of course, adults too) use social media to keep in touch with family who are in a different part of the country, or indeed, the world.  Not only can children and teenagers connect with friends and family, they can connect to global communities, often based on interests they share.

A image of a young woman looking at many different images, possibly a metaphor for the internet

Connecting with other teenagers or children around the world allows them to “meet” others who may have shared interests.  For example a young person who is interested in West Midlands Aston Villa football club but is based in Cornwall, can connect with fans in the local area.  Likewise, a teenager who wants to find a support network for sufferers of eating disorders, can find online groups, research ways of getting help and find out where support groups meet locally.

While we can’t stop the teenager and children from using social media, we can try to alleviate its affects on children and teenagers and help prevent anxiety and other metal health problems.  By talking to young people about social media, we can help protect them and improve their internet safety.

Below are 6 simple guidelines to discuss with your child or teenager about social media.

  • Think about online behaviour and respect for yourself and to others.  Ensure that children and teenagers appreciate the risks of cyber bullying, the affects social media has on their self-confidence and where they can get help if it becomes (or is) a problem.
  • understand the risks of using social media – for example, risks like being tagged in an embarrassing photo taken at a party or someone sending you unwanted messages.
  • Beware of the dangers involved in sharing content and personal information – this includes not only content that your child or teenager shares but also images of your young person that other people share, or posts and images that others tag your child or teenager in.  Also be aware of the dangers of giving out personal details to people on social media.  They may not be who they claim or appear to be.
  • Identify how to minimise risk – for example, if your child or teenager posts an identifiable image of themselves, they can reduce the risk by not including any other personal information such as where the photo was taken.
  • Learn how to handle a situation that may include people asking for personal details, are abusive, post unwanted photos, or share information that links back to your child or teenager – identify what to do when these things occur and reassure your child or teenager you are there to help.
  • Beware of their own digital footprint – we don’t know how long the information in cyber space will stay “out there” and while it may be “funny” to post images of a drunken night out on an 18th birthday party but it might not be the kind of image a potential employer college or university would want to see!

If you feel like you’re struggling with anxiety because of social media or you have a teenager or child who does, I can help. I know what it’s like and I know what it takes to accept yourself.  If you’re looking for a counsellor who understands and can put themselves in your shoes and feel how you feel, get in touch.

Address
6 Hull Road
Camborne TR14 8GS

Hours
Monday–Thursday: 09:00–19:00
Friday: 09:00–17:00

Phone
Mob: 07851512049

Email kieran.mountney@hisownman.com

Working online via Zoom

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