Tag: anger

A man stands outdoors surrounded by lush green foliage reflection—ideal for a counselling blog focused on emotional wellbeing.

If you’re finding it hard to keep your cool—snapping at people, bottling things up, or feeling like you’re always on edge—you’re not alone. A lot of people, men as well as women, carry anger quietly until it starts affecting work, relationships, or even their health.

As a qualified, accredited counsellor based in Camborne, Cornwall, I offer counselling that’s straightforward, confidential, and tailored to men and women who want to feel more in control. No pressure to open up perfectly—just a space to talk things through and start making sense of what’s going on.

You don’t need to have the right words. You just need to show up.

What clients say:

“Kieran gave me a greater understanding of my emotions and continues to guide me with truths I need to hear.” — Richard “I began to see changes in myself quickly. I deserved to feel better.” — Alexander

Sessions available in Camborne or online. Evening appointments and one-off sessions available.

Need help with anger?

If you would like to talk to someone confidentially about managing anger, then I can help.

Help is here

Woman practicing meditationmental health therapy in Cornwall

Stress & Anger Relief: Simple Techniques in Cornwall

By Kieran

On July 30, 2025

In Anger management, Anxiety, Confidence, Self care, Stress

Stress and anger are two of the most common emotional challenges men, women, teenagers will face—and yet, they’re often the least talked about. Whether it’s the pressure of work, relationship strain, exam worries or just the weight of daily responsibilities, these emotions can build quietly until they erupt, indeed when they do, they don’t just affect your mood—they impact your health, your relationships, and your sense of self. I know, I’ve been there. It shapes who you are. You become the moody person and if you feel it, others will too.

As someone who offers mental health services for men in Cornwall, across online platforms and to women and young people too, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when people begin to explore their stress and anger—not as flaws, but as signals. Signals that something needs attention. Signals that change is possible. Change that I can help elicit.

Focused workspace with laptop and journal – promoting mindfulness and breathing techniques for stress relief

This blog is for the man, woman or child who’s been holding it all in. The one who’s tired of snapping, tired of feeling overwhelmed, and ready to find a calmer way forward. I’ll share a few practical techniques you can start using today, including one you’ll find in my very first video: Instant Anxiety Relief in Under 30 Seconds With One Simple Trick. And if you’re ready to go deeper, therapy in Cornwall might be the next step.

Why Stress and Anger Feel So Hard to Manage

Let’s start with the basics. Stress and anger aren’t just emotions—they’re physiological responses. When something feels threatening (even if it’s just a tight deadline or a difficult conversation), your body kicks into gear. Heart rate increases. Muscles tense. Breathing becomes shallow. You’re ready to fight, flee, or freeze.

Historically, this response is ancient—it helped our ancestors survive real danger. Think how a cat reacts when it sees a dog if that helps. Yet today, this same reaction is often triggered by things we can’t punch or run from—emails, bills, university worries, what friends think of us, unresolved arguments, or internal pressure to “keep it together.”

In addition, while anger isn’t only expressed by men—far from it—it often becomes the only emotion that feels safe to show. I’m sure many women reading this blog have a son or a partner who only seems to communicate this way. Sadness, fear, vulnerability? Those get buried. But anger? That’s allowed. That’s familiar.

“Energy and persistence conquer all things.”
Benjamin Franklin

The problem is, when anger becomes your default, it starts to erode everything around you. Relationships suffer. Work becomes tense. Maladaptive coping mechanism like smoking or porn use can seem like the only way out. And your own mental health begins to fray.

That’s where anger management counselling in Cornwall comes in. It’s not about suppressing anger—it’s about understanding it. It’s about learning to respond, not react.

Technique 1: Box Breathing (Featured in My Video)

Let’s start with something simple. Something you can do anywhere, anytime.

Box breathing is a technique used by athletes, military personnel, and therapists alike. It’s designed to calm your nervous system and bring you back to centre.

Here’s how it works:

Inhale for 4 seconds
Hold your breath for 4 seconds
Exhale for 4 seconds
Hold again for 4 seconds
Repeat for 4–5 cycles

This technique activates your parasympathetic nervous system—the part of your body responsible for rest and recovery. It’s like hitting the reset button on your stress response.

I walk you through this in my video: 🎥 Instant Anxiety Relief in Under 30 Seconds With One Simple Trick

This is a great tool for moments when you feel overwhelmed, anxious, or on the edge of an outburst. It’s discreet, effective, and backed by science.

Technique 2: The “Name It to Tame It” Method

This one comes from neuroscience and therapy. When you name what you’re feeling—literally say it out loud or write it down—you reduce its intensity.

In essence, naming an emotion activates the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for reasoning and regulation. It helps shift you out of survival mode and into reflection.

Try this:

“I’m feeling frustrated because I don’t feel heard.”
“I’m anxious because I’m worried I’ll mess this up.”
“I’m angry because I feel disrespected.”

You don’t have to fix it right away. Just name it. That alone can reduce the emotional charge.

This technique is especially useful in relationships. Instead of snapping or shutting down, you can say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. I need a minute.” That’s emotional intelligence in action.

Technique 3: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

As I’ve mentioned in at least one of my previous blog posts, this technique continues to resonate with many people who come to me for counselling. That’s because it provides a real sense of actively “doing something” with your whole body—and that kind of physical engagement can genuinely lift your mood.

Building on that, you’ll often find that stress lives in the body: tight shoulders, clenched jaw, fidgeting hands. Progressive muscle relaxation helps you release that tension—one muscle group at a time.

Here’s a quick version:

Sit or lie down comfortably
Starting at your feet, tense the muscles for 5 seconds
Release and notice the difference
Move up to your calves, thighs, stomach, chest, arms, and face
Breathe slowly throughout

This technique is great before bed, after a stressful meeting, or when you feel physically wound up. It’s also something I use in Cornwall therapy sessions to help clients reconnect with their bodies.

Technique 4: The “Stop–Drop–Reflect” Method

This is a cognitive tool I use often in anger management Cornwall sessions. It’s designed to interrupt reactive patterns and create space for choice. It’s really simple.

Here’s how it works:

Stop: When you feel anger rising, pause. Don’t speak. Don’t act. Just stop.
Drop: Drop into your body. Notice your breath, your posture, your tension.
Reflect: Ask yourself, “What am I really feeling? What do I need right now?”

This method helps you move from automatic reaction to intentional response. It’s not about being passive—it’s about being powerful in your choices and giving you agency back.

Technique 5: Journaling for Emotional Clarity

You don’t have to be a writer to benefit from journaling. Just grab a notebook and let your thoughts spill out. No filter. No judgment. I find many counselling clients find journaling very helpful for relieving stress and anger.

Here’s a simple prompt:

“What’s been weighing on me lately?”
“What am I angry about that I haven’t said?”
“What do I wish someone understood about me?”
“What has been stressful for me today?”

Writing helps you process emotions that feel tangled or stuck. It’s also a great way to track patterns—what triggers you, what calms you, what helps you feel more like yourself.

Many of my clients in therapy Cornwall use journaling between sessions to deepen their self-awareness and accelerate their growth. It helps to “bridge the gap” between counselling session too.

Person sitting peacefully by water under - mindful breathing for emotional balance — **“The beautiful thing about learning is that no one can take it away from you.”** – B.B. King

Why These Techniques Work to help with stress and anger

Each of these tools is designed to interrupt the stress cycle.

When you’re caught in a loop of anxiety or anger, stress or worry your nervous system is in overdrive. These techniques help you shift gears—physically, mentally, and emotionally.

They’re not magic. They don’t erase problems. There’s no silver bullet to alleviate the symptoms of anxiety and anger But they give you space. And in that space, you can choose something different.

That’s the heart of therapy: creating space for change.

What If It’s More Than Just Stress?

Sometimes stress and anger are symptoms of something deeper—trauma, unresolved grief, relationship strain, or identity struggles. That’s where counselling comes in. That’s where an experienced counsellor such as myself can help.

As a sex therapist in Cornwall, I also work with men navigating issues around intimacy, shame, and emotional disconnect. These challenges often show up as anger or anxiety, but they’re rooted in deeper stories.

Counselling offers a safe, confidential space to explore those stories. To unpack what’s been buried. To rewrite the narrative.

Whether you’re dealing with workplace stress, relationship tension, or emotional overwhelm, the mental health services for men in Cornwall I provide are here to support you.

What to Expect from Counselling

If you’re considering therapy, here’s what it might look like:

A safe space to talk without judgment or pressure
Structured weekly sessions focused on your goals
Evidence-based techniques like CBT, PCT, and Solution Focused Therapy
Support for anger, stress, anxiety, trauma, and more

You don’t have to have a diagnosis and you don’t have to be in crisis. You just have to be ready to explore what’s going on—and what’s possible. As an experienced counsellor, I can help you with the things that are troubling you. You can contact me here, if you’d like more information or book a session here if you’re ready to begin counselling.

One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen again and again; fear must be overcome again and again.”
Abraham Maslow.

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

Stress and anger don’t make you weak. They make you human. Man, woman and child can all benefit from a space to talk. And learning to manage emotions isn’t about perfection—it’s about progress.

Whether you use the breathing technique from my video, try journaling, or decide to book a session, know this: you’re allowed to feel better. You’re allowed to ask for support. You’re allowed to change.

And whether you’re in Cornwall or online, that support is right here.

Ready to take the next step? 📘 Learn more or book your free consultation: 👉 hisownmancounselling.co.uk/?utm_source=blog&utm_medium=website&utm_campaign=present_focus

Need help with anger?

If you would like to talk to someone confidentially about managing anger, then I can help.

Help is here

From Bottled-Up to Breakthrough: A Real Story of Anger, Stigma, Man and Counselling

By Kieran

On June 24, 2025

In Anger management, Anxiety, Confidence, Depression, Self care

For many men, the idea of counselling (I often hear now referred to as ‘man counselling’) feels like a foreign concept—something reserved for “when things get really bad,” or worse, something that’s simply not for them. According to the Counselling Directory, only 36% of NHS referrals for psychological therapies in England are for men, despite 12.5% of men having a diagnosable mental health disorder . The truth is, counselling isn’t about weakness. It’s about strength. It’s about choosing to face what’s difficult rather than burying it. And for a lot of us, that’s the hardest part.

Clearly, in my work supporting men through anger management, stress, anxiety emotional overwhelm and with many other common mental health disorders, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when someone decides to take that first step. Undoubtedly, I’ve also seen how stigma—both internal and external—can keep that step just out of reach.

This post is for the man who’s been holding it all in. The one who’s been told to “man up,” to “get on with it,” to “stop overthinking.” If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep carrying it all by yourself.

a-man-looking-anxious-looking-out-of-a-window

The Messages We Inherit

From a young age, many of us are taught a very narrow definition of what it means to be a man. We’re told to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant. We’re praised for our ability to “keep it together” and discouraged from showing vulnerability.

Some people want it to happen, some wish it could happen, others make it happen – Michael Jordan

Crying? That’s weak. Talking about your feelings? That’s soft. Asking for help? That’s failure.

These messages might not always be spoken aloud, but they’re there—in the way we’re raised, the media we consume, the way our mates talk about emotions (or don’t). Over time, they become internalised. And when life gets hard—as it inevitably does—we often don’t have the tools or the language to deal with it.

Instead, we bottle it up. We push it down. We tell ourselves to get over it. Until one day, it all spills out. Without doubt, this isn’t healthy.

When Anger Becomes the Default

One of the most common ways this emotional suppression shows up is through anger. And that’s why anger management for men is such a vital part of the conversation.

Anger is often misunderstood. It’s not inherently bad—it’s a signal. A flare going up to say, “Something’s not right.” But when we don’t know how to interpret that signal, or when we’ve been taught to ignore everything underneath it, anger becomes the only emotion we allow ourselves to feel.

I’ve worked with men who describe themselves as “always on edge,” “quick to snap,” or “just not myself anymore.” They’re not bad people. They’re not broken. They’re overwhelmed. And they’ve never been given permission—or the tools—to unpack what’s really going on.

My Own Turning Point

I’ll be honest: I didn’t always believe in man counselling (or counselling for women, for that matter) either. I thought I had to figure everything out on my own. For me, opening up would make me look weak. I thought no one would understand.

It wasn’t until I sat in my first counselling session—nervous, guarded, unsure of what to say—that something shifted. I didn’t have to have the perfect words. There was no need to have to explain everything straight away. I just had to start.

And once I did, I realised how much I’d been carrying. How much I’d been hiding. How much I needed that space to just be honest—for the first time in a long time.

That session didn’t fix everything overnight. But it was the beginning of something better. It was the first time I felt like I could breathe again.

The Cost of Staying Silent

When we don’t talk about what’s going on, it doesn’t go away. It just finds other ways to show up—often in ways that hurt us or the people around us.

Maybe it’s snapping at your partner over something small. Perhaps it’s withdrawing from your mates because you don’t want to talk. Maybe it’s drinking more than usual just to take the edge off. Maybe it’s lying awake at night, your mind racing with everything you can’t say out loud.

These are signs—not of failure, but of pressure. And pressure needs a release valve. Without one, it builds. And builds. And builds.

That’s why counselling matters. It’s not about fixing you. It’s about giving you space to understand yourself. To process what’s going on beneath the surface. To learn new ways of coping that don’t involve shutting down or lashing out.

“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” *—Thomas Edison*

What Man Counselling Actually Looks Like

Let’s demystify it a bit. Counselling isn’t lying on a couch while someone nods silently and takes notes. It’s a conversation. A safe, confidential space where you can talk about what’s really going on—without judgment, without pressure, and without having to “have it all together”. Man counselling or any type of counselling, doesn’t involve putting on a brave face and pretending “everything’s fine”, when perhaps it isn’t.

You set the pace. You decide what you want to explore. And over time, you start to notice the patterns. The triggers. The beliefs that have been shaping your behaviour for years.

In my counselling sessions with men, we often talk about:

Workplace stress and the pressure to perform
Relationship challenges and communication breakdowns
Unresolved anger and how it shows up in daily life
Low self-worth and the inner critic that never shuts up
The fear of being vulnerable and what it means to be emotionally honest
Fatherhood and the pressures of setting the right example to your children

And through those conversations, something powerful happens: clarity. Relief. A sense of control that doesn’t come from bottling things up, but from understanding them.

“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts”
winston churchill

One Client’s Story

Let me tell you about a client—we’ll call him Tom. He came to counselling after a heated argument at work that left him shaken. It wasn’t the first time he’d lost his temper, but this time felt different. He was scared of what he might do next.

At first, he was sceptical. Indeed he referred to it as “man counselling” when we first spoke on the phone. He didn’t think talking would help. But he showed up. Week after week. And slowly, he started to open up and felt the benefits of counselling.

We talked about his childhood—how anger was the only emotion that was ever acknowledged in his family. He talked about how the idea of man counselling was a foreign concept to his ex military father. We talked about his job—how he felt constantly under pressure but never able to say no. We talked about his relationship—how he wanted to be more present, but didn’t know how to switch off.

Over time, Tom began to recognise his triggers. He learned how to pause before reacting. How to practice new ways of expressing himself—ways that felt authentic, not forced. He took risks with being vulnerable to those close to him.

And the best part? He started to feel more like himself again. Not a different person. Just a more grounded, more self-aware version of who he already was. Who knew man counselling could be so effective?

Rewriting the Narrative

The stigma around men’s mental health and man counselling is slowly shifting. More men are speaking up. More men are seeking support. But we still have work to do.

Every time a man chooses to talk instead of shut down, he challenges the old narrative. Every time a man says, “I’m struggling,” he gives others permission to do the same.

If you’re reading this and something resonates and you feel man counselling could help you—if you’ve been feeling stuck, angry, or overwhelmed—know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.

Counselling isn’t about being broken. It’s about being brave enough to want something better.

What You Can Do Today

If you’re not sure where to start, that’s okay. Start small. Be honest and start with a conversation.

Talk to someone you trust. A friend, a partner, a colleague. Let them know you’re finding things tough.
Journal your thoughts. Sometimes writing things down can help you make sense of what’s going on.
Book a consultation. Even if you’re not sure what you want to talk about, showing up is a powerful first step. You can book an appointment with me here (or if you can’t find a time that suits you, you can contact me here and I’ll see what I can do).

And if you’re ready to explore counselling, I offer a free consultation to help you decide if it’s the right fit. No pressure. Just a chance to talk.

Final Thoughts

You don’t have to wait for a crisis to seek support. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to deserve help. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Whether you’re dealing with anger management, stress, relationship issues, or just a general sense that something’s not right—counselling can help you find your footing again.

It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about reconnecting with the parts of you that have been buried under pressure, expectation, and silence.

You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to struggle. And you’re allowed to get support.

Because being your own man doesn’t mean doing it all alone. It means choosing what’s right for you—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.

Need help with anger?

If you would like to talk to someone confidentially about managing anger, then I can help.

Help is here

Anger Management for Men: Top Strategies for Lasting Calm

By Kieran

On May 30, 2025

In Anger management, Self care

Often, I hear men ask, “Is struggling with anger really a big enough issue to seek help?” I’ve had potential clients confess, “I’m not even sure my problem qualifies for counselling.” The reality is, if you’re hesitating and questioning whether professional support is warranted, you’re most likely already past the point when help becomes essential. Anger management for men is certainly an issue big enough to be explored in therapy.

Many men wait weeks, months, or even years before taking that crucial step—burdened by the misconception that therapy is only for extreme cases. Stepping into counselling can feel as nerve‑wracking as a high‑stakes appointment, but when it comes to anger management for men, embracing that vulnerability is the first step toward lasting calm and personal transformation. In this post, I’ll share actionable strategies—and a personal story of when I, too, lost control—to show you that the path to reclaiming your power starts with acknowledging that you deserve support.

Understanding Anger and Its Role

Anger, when managed constructively, serves as a signal that something in your life needs attention. For many men, years of conditioning—taught to “man up” and hide vulnerability—can lead to repressed emotions and explosive outbursts. Recognising anger for what it truly is—a call to address underlying issues—transforms it from a destructive impulse into a catalyst for self-insight and growth.

When discussing anger management for men, it is essential to understand that anger isn’t inherently negative. It’s a vital emotion that, when harnessed properly, can help you set boundaries, assert your needs, and protect what matters most. In other words, the goal isn’t to eliminate anger entirely but to manage it skillfully so that it contributes to a more mature and balanced life.

The Cultural Landscape of Male Anger

Traditional conceptions of masculinity often emphasise stoicism and strength, discouraging men from expressing emotion openly. Phrases like “don’t show your weakness” or “man up” reinforce a tight grip on anger, leading to internalised stress. These outdated norms can distort the way you see your anger, making it tougher to seek help. I know because I used to think that way too. I’d avoid “showing my emotions” as did many “tough guys” of the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s such as Mr T, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Clint Eastwood. Over time, this suppressed anger can erupt in destructive ways—at home, at work, or even in social settings—making anger management for men not just a personal need, but a societal necessity.

Rewriting the Narrative

Embracing a more open, authentic model of masculinity is critical. A modern understanding recognises that vulnerability is not a sign of weakness but a gateway to growth. When you learn to accept and express your emotions in healthy ways, you create an environment both for yourself and those around you where understanding and connection can thrive.

Recognising Your Anger Triggers

Before you can manage your anger effectively, it’s important to identify what sets you off. Triggers are as varied as the individuals who experience them. For some men, a tense situation at work might be enough; for others, a perceived slight from a friend or family member can send emotions skyrocketing.

Take a moment to reflect:

When was the last time you felt your anger rising?
What were the specific situations, settings, or interactions that sparked these feelings?
Is there a recurring theme that leaves you feeling devalued or disrespected?

Journaling your daily experiences is an excellent way to uncover these patterns. By recording the moments when anger surfaces, you gradually learn which scenarios call for a measured response, thereby laying the groundwork for persistent improvement in your anger management for men journey.

A Quick Glance At Controlling Anger

Below is a shareable infographic with 5 quick and practical steps you can take now to help control your anger management issues.

5 Ways to Stay Calm and Help Control Anger

Discover simple yet effective strategies to stay calm and manage anger in your daily life.

Embed This Infographic

If you find this infographic useful, feel free to embed it on your website. Simply copy and paste the code below:

A Personal Turning Point: My Journey to Regaining Control

I remember a specific evening that changed everything for me—a moment when I realised that I was no longer in control of my anger. It was supposed to be a quiet family dinner, a time to unwind after a busy day. Instead, a seemingly harmless comment from a relative triggered a chain reaction of pent-up frustrations. Suddenly, words escaped me in a volley of anger, and the warm, inviting atmosphere turned cold and filled with regret.

That night, as I sat in the silence of a broken home moment, I knew something had to change. There was a feeling of powerlessness and shame—not just for the outburst but for never having addressed the underlying issues that had been building up inside me for so long. I sought professional help and immersed myself in various strategies to reclaim control over my emotions. I learned that anger management for men isn’t about suppressing anger entirely; it’s about understanding it, addressing its root causes, and ultimately channelling it into positive action.

This personal experience reshaped my life. I learned mindfulness techniques, embraced physical activity, and challenged my own negative thought patterns. Through counselling and consistent self-reflection, I turned what once seemed like a crippling flaw into a source of strength and empathy. Today, I share these strategies with other men, hoping to help them avoid the pain and regret I once felt.

Top Strategies for Lasting Calm and better Anger Management

Drawing on my own journey and evidence‑based techniques, here are several strategies that can help you achieve lasting calm:

1. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness is a cornerstone of effective anger management for men. It enables you to pause, observe your feelings without judgment, and choose a thoughtful reaction over an impulsive one. Meditation, even for just 10 minutes a day, can help you build a buffer between your triggers and your response.

Actionable Tip: Find a quiet space, sit comfortably, and focus on your breathing. When thoughts emerge, acknowledge them and gently bring your focus back to your breathing. Over time, these sessions can help you catch the early signs of anger and manage them before they escalate.

2. Engage in Physical Activity

For many men, the best way to release pent‑up anger is through physical movement. Exercise not only releases endorphins—your body’s natural mood lifters—but also provides a healthy outlet for stress and frustration.

Actionable Tip: Whether it’s a brisk walk after dinner, weight training at the gym, or practicing martial arts, schedule regular physical activity into your routine. Even a short workout can make a big difference in how you manage your anger.

3. Enhance Communication Skills

Often, anger intensifies because of misunderstandings or unspoken resentments. Learning to express your thoughts and feelings in a clear, non‑confrontational manner is critical. Effective communication can transform conflicts into constructive conversations that foster mutual respect and understanding.

Actionable Tip: Practice using “I” statements during stressful interactions. Instead of saying, “You never listen,” try, “I feel unheard when our conversations get one‑sided.” This approach can help keep discussions calm and focused on resolving the issue.

4. Challenge Negative Thought Patterns

A significant aspect of anger management for men is learning to identify and change self‑defeating thought patterns. Negative thinking can amplify your anger and set you on a path to more explosive reactions.

Actionable Tip: Keep a thought diary. Write down the distressing thoughts as they occur and then challenge them with rational, balanced perspectives. Over time, this exercise can help reframe your mindset, allowing you to approach provoking situations with a clear head.

5. Seek Professional Support

Sometimes, the journey to lasting calm requires guidance beyond what self‑help strategies can provide. Professional counselling with a specialist in anger management like me, can offer you the personalised tools and insights needed to tackle deep‑rooted issues and develop healthier responses to anger.

Actionable Tip: Consider contacting a specialist in anger management for men. A counsellor who understands the unique pressures you face can help you craft a tailored plan for managing your emotions in a way that fosters positive relationships and personal growth (my telephone number is on the right).

The Role of Daily Habits in Anger Management

Even the most effective strategies require a supportive daily routine to work at their full potential. Here are a few daily practices designed to reinforce your anger management for men plan:

Establish a Sleep Routine: Quality sleep is crucial for emotional regulation. Aim for 7–9 hours per night. A well‑rested mind is far less susceptible to the triggers that can cause anger.
Maintain a Balanced Diet: What you eat directly affects your energy levels and mood. Prioritise a diet rich in whole foods, and try to stick to regular meal times to avoid sudden dips in blood sugar that can spur irritability.
Schedule Downtime: In our fast‑paced world, it’s easy to overlook the value of rest. Ensure you carve out time for activities you enjoy, whether that’s reading, listening to music, or spending quality time with loved ones.
Stay Hydrated: Dehydration can influence your mood and cognitive functions. Keep a water bottle handy and set reminders to drink throughout the day.

Embedding these small yet vital practices into your daily routine can create a stable foundation for managing anger and stress.

Overcoming Barriers Specific to Men

Acknowledging and addressing the unique challenges men face in managing anger is a critical step toward lasting calm. Societal pressures can sometimes make it seem as though asking for help is an admission of failure, but in truth, it’s a brave, necessary step.

Embracing Vulnerability

For a long time, I struggled to see vulnerability as anything but a weakness. Yet, through my journey, I learned that vulnerability is actually a key to growth. Accept that it’s okay to feel, to seek help, and to admit when you need support. This acceptance transforms anger into a signal for constructive change rather than an uncontrollable outburst.

Building a Support System

Know that you are not alone. Sharing your experiences with trusted friends, family, or support groups can be incredibly therapeutic. Whether it’s a dedicated men’s circle or one-on-one counselling, connecting with others can provide validation, understanding, and practical advice on anger management for men.

Redefining Masculinity

It’s time to challenge and overturn outdated notions of masculinity. True strength comes not from repressing your emotions, but from understanding, expressing, and managing them healthily. By embracing a modern narrative—one that values emotional intelligence alongside physical resilience—you pave the way for healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.

Creating Your Personalised Action Plan to tackle Anger

Each man’s journey with anger is unique. To see real change, you must craft a personalized action plan that addresses your specific triggers, lifestyle, and emotional needs. Here’s a simple framework to get started:

Conduct a Self‑Audit: Reflect on recent moments when anger was overwhelming. Identify the circumstances, the emotions, and the resulting reactions. Write these down to pinpoint recurring themes.
Set Measurable Goals: Determine what success in anger management looks like for you. Is it fewer outbursts? Improved communication in your personal relationships? Clearly defined, realistic goals will help you measure progress.
Choose Targeted Strategies: From the strategies discussed—mindfulness, physical activity, improved communication, and cognitive reframing—select two or three that resonate most with you. Experiment with them and refine based on what feels most natural.
Monitor Your Progress: Keep a regular journal or log to record daily experiences, note improvements, and identify recurring issues. Recognise that setbacks are part of the process and use them as learning opportunities.
Celebrate Your Wins: Every step forward is a victory. Whether it’s a brief moment of calm during a stressful interaction or a successful conversation without escalation, acknowledge and celebrate these gains.

a-man-running-to-help-with-his-anger-management — **“The secret to getting ahead, is getting started.”** – Mark Twain

Embracing a Future of Lasting Calm

The journey to effective anger management for men is ongoing, and every step you take builds your capacity for a balanced, fulfilling life. Reflecting on my own transformation—from that painful dinner where I lost control to becoming a stronger, more self‑aware individual—I’ve seen firsthand that change is possible. What once felt like a crippling flaw has evolved into an opportunity for self-discovery and empowerment.

Every man deserves to lead a life marked by calm, clarity, and connection. Transformation begins with acknowledging that your anger isn’t your enemy; it’s a signal. A signal that, when heeded and nurtured, can direct you toward a future of personal growth, healthier relationships, and overall well‑being.

Final Thoughts on Anger Management for Men Coping Strategies.

I stand before you as living proof that the path to lasting calm in anger management for men is achievable. That turbulent evening I once experienced—when my anger overtook me and left a trail of regret—was my turning point. It forced me to confront my vulnerabilities and to embrace a comprehensive set of strategies that have since redefined my life.

If you’re reading this and recognising a piece of your own struggle, know that you are not alone. Embrace these strategies: practice mindfulness, exercise regularly, communicate assertively, and challenge those negative thought patterns. And if the journey seems too overwhelming, remember that professional counselling can offer the personalised guidance needed to turn things around.

Your journey toward lasting calm isn’t just about managing anger—it’s about reclaiming control over your narrative as a man. It’s about defining strength on your own terms, and creating a life that reflects the balance between power and vulnerability. Today’s struggles can be transformed into tomorrow’s triumphs, paving the way for a more thoughtful, resilient, and connected you.

Start by taking one small step today. Whether it’s a ten-minute meditation session, a brisk walk, or reaching out to a trusted friend or counsellor, every effort you make moves you further along the path to self‑improvement and lasting calm.

Thank you for joining me on this exploration of anger management for men. If you have insights, questions, or personal experiences you’d like to share, please leave a comment below or reach out directly. Your story could be exactly what another man needs to hear on his journey toward emotional empowerment and true calm.

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5 Ways to Stay Calm and Help Control Anger

By Kieran

On May 29, 2025

In Anger management, Anxiety, Self care

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Why Am I An Angry Dad? 5 Anger Triggers And How To Manage Them

By Kieran

On September 11, 2023

In Anger management, Confidence, Self care, Uncategorized

Why am I an angry dad?

It is not uncommon for dads to be angry. In fact, it’s a normal emotion that can happen in any family. But what are the types of anger that fathers experience? And how can they deal with them?

In this article, we will explore 5 triggers of anger that dads might feel and how to manage them.

Trigger 1 – Stress

Similar strategies are used to control stress and anger. One explanation for this is that both stress and anger have a psychological component, making it possible to control them mentally. Understanding the relationship between these two emotions is crucial because they both have the potential to negatively impact us, especially if they are left unmanaged.

There are a number of different things that can affect anger and stress; Long-term stress and anger exposure can harm our physical health. Getting stressed about deadlines, worrying about money or shouting at the kids are but a few examples. It may increase our blood pressure, which can lead to other problems that have an impact on both our physical and emotional well-being. Our interpersonal relationships may suffer as a result. Beyond that, excessive levels of stress and anger can lead to the development of bad behaviours that get harder to manage over time. Anxiety may increase as a result of either of these effects. Being an angry Dad isn’t good for our health or our relationships!

We need to consider how these emotions affect our lives in order to start managing the negative impacts of stress and anger. Anger can result from stress, which might result in further stress. Although neither emotion is a good thing, we shouldn’t try to force them away. Instead, we should work to regulate them by working on our understanding of the elements that influence anger and stress and developing coping mechanisms and build healthy anger management strategies.

Tip to manage stress – Breathe deep and relax

Your body and mind may feel as though they’re operating on overdrive when you are feeling stressed. Slowing your breathing and concentrating on relaxing your muscles is the simplest and most straightforward approach to relieving the stressful effects of anger. Inhale deeply for 4 seconds into your chest and stomach, hold for 2–4 seconds, and then exhale for 4 seconds. Your pulse rate will slow down as a result, and you’ll have some time to gather your thoughts.

Trigger 2 – Feeling frustrated or powerless

Regardless of a father’s upbringing, those who believe they can control their own destiny—tend to be happier, healthier, and more effective. Even the most difficult situations can be made tolerable if we believe we have some control over the outcome. While minor tensions can become overwhelming if we believe we have no control over the issue at all. Things as simple as the kids not tidying their rooms or indeed, even letting their dad into their room can be incredibly frustrating and can leave a father feeling as though he has no control, even in his own home.

“Powerlessness is inherently threatening, and it prompts a strong desire to reduce or eliminate that feeling,” says Eric Anicich, an assistant professor of management and organisation at the University of Southern California Marshall School of Business.

Tip to manage feelings of frustration or powerlessness – reconsider our approach to the problem

The first thing to do is recognise our own biases in the way we appraise our circumstances. Humans are usually quite bad at anticipating their future emotions and feelings. Positive life experiences, like winning the lottery, cause us to overestimate how happy we will feel and how long that feeling will last. Conversely, we find it difficult to envision how we will get past a threat or disappointment, such as our daughter going out to a nightclub for the first time. Negative experiences don’t usually last as long or have the same intensity as people expect. By keeping that in mind the initial sensation of pessimism we frequently experience upon hearing bad news can be lessened by just reminding ourselves of that truth.

Practically speaking, we can regain control of the situation by finding smaller ways to help with the situation. Setting your own schedules and making the most of your space may help you restore some sense of autonomy if you have been forced to work from home, for example.

“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.”
Theodore Roosevelt.

Trigger 3 – Feeling a lack of respect

The feeling of being disrespected can be something that is quite triggering for many dad’s and can often make them feel quite angry. This could indeed be the reason why you ask yourself why am I an angry dad. In fact, most people have very little tolerance for being disrespected and those who consistently feel as though others have little or no respect for them often suffer with poor self-esteem and have a poor self image.

If you feel this way, it could be worth asking yourself “what does it mean to be disrespected”? You’ll probably find that your answer is different for example, to the dad sitting next to you. What you feel is disrespectful, may not feel disrespectful to someone else. For example, you may feel that it’s disrespectful of your son not to thank you for buying him an ice cream but another dad might be fine with it. That other dad may feel it’s disrespectful for their daughter to go to bed without saying “good night” but it might not bother you at all.

Being disrespected is a subjective feeling and will differ from person to person, from dad to dad. As it’s a personal feeling and differs depending on your own values, there’s a possibility that it’s the way you think that is causing the feelings of disrespect, rather than someone, a child perhaps or a partner, being disrespectful. If you think about it, what motivation does someone have to disrespect you personally? Would one of your children, for example, really set out to hurt you? Are they even old enough to be capable of doing that to you? Disrespect can often be born out of anger, fear or frustration or all of those emotions.

Tip to manage feeling a lack of respect

If you find yourself immediately feeling disrespected when someone doesn’t behave as you’d expect them to, you may be assuming the worst and jumping to conclusions. Challenge yourself to think of why a person may have behaved the way they did. For example, if someone pulled out on you in traffic, are they really being disrespectful to you personally or could it be that they’re late for work? Could they be preoccupied with some bad news about an elderly relative and didn’t realise they hadn’t considered you? Below are some things you can ask yourself when you are feeling disrespected that will make you feel better and help you with wondering why you’re an angry dad.

Will whatever it is that has made me feel disrespected matter to me in 12 months or even a few day’s?
Am I responding appropriately? Or am I responding with anger and frustration. Should I try addressing the issue calmly and assertively?
Am I communicating my expectations clearly? Ensure that your children understand your expectations for respect and behaviour.

Trigger 4 – Lack of sleep

A lack of sleep can significantly contribute to feelings of being disrespected by your children. Sleep deprivation often leads to irritability and a shorter fuse. This can make even minor misbehaviors or disagreements with your children escalate into major sources of frustration and perceived disrespect.

Exhaustion also diminishes your ability to empathise with your children’s needs and emotions. This may cause you to interpret their actions as intentional disobedience or disrespect when they may simply be expressing their own needs or frustrations.

Furthermore, sleep-deprived dad’s may struggle to make rational decisions and react impulsively to perceived challenges. This can lead to misinterpretations of your children’s behaviour and heightened feelings of being disrespected. This emotional vulnerability means that your children’s actions, even if not intended to be disrespectful, can feel hurtful or offensive, further intensifying these feelings.

Tip to manage a lack of sleep

To address the negative impact of sleep deprivation on your perception of respect from your children, consider implementing these strategies:

Prioritize Sleep: Make sleep a priority by establishing a regular sleep schedule. Ensure you get enough hours of quality rest to enhance your emotional stability and patience.
Share Responsibilities: Enlist the help of your partner or support network to share nighttime parenting duties. This allows for breaks and uninterrupted sleep, reducing sleep-related irritability.
Mindfulness and Relaxation: Practice mindfulness techniques or relaxation exercises to manage stress and enhance your emotional resilience. Breathing exercises and meditation can help you stay calm in challenging parenting situations.
Communication: Openly communicate with your children about your need for sleep. Explain that when you’re well-rested, you can be a more patient and understanding parent.
Seek Professional Help: If sleep deprivation persists and significantly affects your ability to parent effectively, consult a healthcare professional. They can assess and address any underlying sleep disorders or recommend strategies to improve your sleep quality.

By prioritising sleep and adopting effective coping mechanisms, you can better manage feelings of disrespect from your children that may arise due to sleep-related irritability and stress. Ultimately, fostering a well-rested and emotionally stable environment benefits both you and your family.

Trigger 5 – Communication issues

Communication problems can make you an angry dad by creating frustration and misunderstanding. When parents and children struggle to express their needs, emotions, or expectations effectively, it often leads to conflicts, misinterpretations, and heightened anger. Inadequate communication can make a dad feel unheard or disrespected, triggering anger in response to perceived disrespect or disobedience.

Tip to manage communication issues

To address communication issues and mitigate anger, active listening is essential. Encourage open dialogue with your children, offering them a safe space to express themselves without fear of judgment. Teach them effective communication skills and actively listen to their concerns.

Model respectful communication, and when conflicts arise, seek resolution through calm discussions, empathy, and compromise. A therapist like myself can help you develop valuable tools for improving communication and reducing anger within the family dynamic.

“It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.”
Aristotle

In conclusion, understanding the factors that contribute to being an angry dad is the first step in becoming a more patient and understanding parent. From the pressures of life to miscommunications and unresolved personal issues, anger can easily find its way into our interactions with our children. However, it’s important to remember that anger doesn’t have to be the default response.

In this blog post, we’ve explored five solutions to address and manage anger as a parent:

Prioritizing self-care and managing stress to maintain emotional balance.
Setting realistic expectations for yourself and your children.
Improving communication through active listening and empathy.
Seeking professional help when unresolved personal issues contribute to anger.
Modeling healthy emotional expression and conflict resolution for your children.

By implementing these solutions, you can create a more harmonious and nurturing environment for your family. This will foster a deeper connection with your children and reduce anger’s impact on your role as a dad. Remember, parenting is a journey of growth. With the right tools and mindset, you can navigate it with patience, empathy, and love.

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What Are Anger Management Issues? Everything You Need To Know

By Kieran

On August 30, 2022

In Anger management

What are anger management issues?

It’s normal to feel angry from time to time. Anger is a human emotion that helps us to cope with difficult situations and can be motivating in some cases. But when anger is out of control, it can lead to negative consequences. But what are anger management issues?

‘Anger issues’ is one of the most common problems clients come to me wanting help with, in fact, it is probably the most common. A report on anger; ‘Boiling Point’ produced by the Mental Health Foundation (MHF) back in 2008, found that (of the 2000 people surveyed):

32% of people say they have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger.
12% have trouble controlling their own anger.
28% worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
1 in 5 people have ended a relationship or a friendship because of how they behaved when they were angry.
64% agree that people are getting angrier.

If you’re struggling to manage your anger, here are 7 tips that may help you control your anger:

1. Understand your triggers.

Triggers are the external and internal stimuli that cues an individual to do something such as take drugs or get angry, for example. Common triggers include people, places, things, and emotions. A trigger is anything that sets off a stress response in your body. When trying to manage your anger, it is important to be aware of your triggers and have a plan for how to deal with them.

And there are two types of triggers:

External triggers are people, places, things, and events that cue you to get angry, for example.

Internal triggers are thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations that cue you to struggle to maintain control of your anger.

“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” — Winston S. Churchill

External triggers are usually easier to avoid than internal triggers. However, both types of triggers can be effectively managed with the right tools and support and can help you with anger management issues.

If you are trying to learn to manage your anger, it is important to be aware of your triggers and have a plan for how to deal with them. Everyone has different triggers, so it’s important to take some time to identify what yours are. Once you know what your triggers are, you can start to find ways to avoid or manage them.

There are a few different ways to identify your anger triggers. One way is to keep an anger diary. For a week or two, write down every time you feel angry. Include what was happening at the time, how you felt physically and emotionally, and what you did to manage the anger. After a few weeks, you should start to see patterns emerge and gain a better understanding of your anger management issues. You can discuss your findings about your anger with a counsellor too.

Another way to identify your triggers is to pay attention to your body. When you feel yourself starting to get angry, take a few minutes to notice what you’re feeling. You’ll probably find you’ll be experiencing some of these sensations:

Knots in your stomach
Clenching your fists or jaw
Feeling clammy or flushed
Breathing faster
Headaches

Pacing or walking quicker
“Seeing red”
Difficulty concentrating
Heart beating fast or pounding
Tensing your shoulders

2. Communicate assertively, not aggressively.

When communicating with others, it is important to be assertive, not aggressive. Assertiveness means being clear and direct in your communication, without being rude or confrontational, or getting angry. It is the ability to express your ideas and needs in a way that is respectful of others.

Aggressive communication, on the other hand, is characterised by intimidation, put-downs, and threats. It is important to avoid aggressive communication, as it is likely to escalate the situation and lead to conflict.

If you find yourself in a situation where you need to communicate assertively, remember to:

Be clear and concise in your communication
Listen to the other person’s point of view
Respect the other person’s boundaries
Avoid insulting or demeaning the other person
Speak calmly and confidently

3. Use “I” statements to help with anger management issues.

Beginning a phrase with “I” enables us to discuss tough emotions, explain how the issue is impacting you and avoids placing blame on others and getting angry with them. It makes us accountable for our own thoughts and emotions. This tends to be perceived by others as less antagonistic, allowing for further discussion and the chance of a solution. For example, saying “I feel angry” is less confrontational and likely to elicit a more positive response than “You make me angry”.

In the end, I statements can present a problem as something that needs to be discussed and resolved with your partner, for example, rather than as a criticism of them or a personal assault.

It takes time, effort, and repetition to effectively model a new communication style. Try the following practice exercise to help you develop new habits around how you communicate with others if you find it difficult to remember to use “I” statements in real-time when you’re in the middle of a disagreement or heated discussion:

Talk for three to five minutes about a subject you truly enjoy, beginning each phrase with an “I” declaration. You can try this out in front of the mirror or with a friend, partner, or member of your family.

“Goal setting is the secret to a compelling future.” — Tony Robbins

4. Be aware of your body language.

Did you know that before you verbally express your anger, your body language frequently does the same? It’s as much what you say as what you do which may make people believe you have anger management issues

You may already be aware of this, but many people frequently fail to do so. For this reason, it is crucial to understand non-verbal communication and how it might impact your relationships.

How often have you cut someone off in conversation because they were making you angry?

Numerous times, I’m sure, as this is a typical example of nonverbal communication.

Other non-verbal forms of communication include:

The duration of your eye contact with someone
Your actions
The way you stand or sit
How close you stand next to someone
The loudness of your voice.

Have you ever been accused of giving someone conflicting signals?

When this happens, your words and actions may not always seem to add up.

The person on the other end feels confused and uncertain about your feelings as a result. Additionally, since you never mean what you say, this may cause people to lose faith in you.

If you have a tendency to get angry, you might frequently make pointed gestures, raise your voice, and choose to sit alone.

This type of behaviour will simply make others around you feel uncomfortable.

“He who conquers himself is the mightiest warrior.” — Confucius

It would be better if you first understood how to improve your actions in order to lessen your non-verbal communication. To do this, practice speaking in a quieter voice, move closer to your companion and maintain eye contact.

Try not to wave your arms around or use your hands to communicate while you learn to manage your movements. Many people engage in this without even being aware of it.

Consider practising in front of a mirror. This will help you to see how you look when you’re angry. Flailing your arms, for example, may come across as confrontational, and being aware of it will help you to stop doing it.

With a little practise, each of these things can be worked on. Once you get this under control, you won’t always come across as being angry.

You might even notice that your own level of anger decreases. Amazingly, just knowing that others view you in this way can make you calmer!

Remember that you can express your anger with your body language as well as words. In the end, working on your body language will make you feel less inclined to express your rage out loud.

5. Take a timeout.

Most people are unaware of when and how to exit a heated discussion without adding insult to injury.

Instead, they prolong the conflict, which increases the risk of verbal or physical violence and both parties getting angrier and angrier. This often results in name-calling, arguing and excessive blame.

You can keep yourself and your loved ones safe when you know when and how to leave a situation.

It is known as a time-out.

The majority of us have used it with our children, but adults also benefit greatly from it! It gives you a justification to leave the situation so you may calm down.

People can be kept safe by timeouts. Leaving the situation by itself won’t make a difference; it’s how you leave that counts. The steps for a successful time-out are listed below.

How to Take a Timeout
Know when you are starting to feel angry. Rapid heartbeat, sweating, feeling tense, irritated, or confused are a few signs that you’re getting angry, as are thinking negatively and placing blame on others.

Keep an eye out for your triggers. Make a list of the circumstances that make you angry. Common triggers include feeling unheard or judged. Try to be objective in this situation.

To deal with the upset, make a plan. Determine what you need. Does phoning a friend or going for a walk help? Would writing in a notebook be more relaxing than listening to music?

The most efficient way to use the time-out is to separate yourself. The argument will probably continue if you stay in the same room as the other person.

“Coming together is a beginning. Keeping together is progress. Working together is success.” — Henry Ford

Before utilising the time-out, go over it with your partner. Talk about how you’ll manage the time-out. For example, you could say something like “I’ll go for a walk if I start to feel angry. I’ll be back in a half-hour.” If trust has been betrayed, your partner can may act defensive. Avoid being defensive too. Validate their viewpoint instead. Even if you don’t agree, it is very effective to demonstrate that you understand why they’re angry or upset.

Plan out your break. Identify a safe location and take no more than 20 to 30 minutes (to prevent it from turning into leisure time). If you can, go out of the house to stop the argument from escalating.

Time-outs are an effective approach to vent your feelings and normalise anger so that you don’t lose control and explode.

Even though it’s common to get angry, if you can recognise it early on, you’ll have a better chance of controlling your anger management issues so that you and everyone else around you stay safe.

6. Practice relaxation techniques to combat anger management issues.

Below are a couple of really helpful relaxation techniques that will help you control your anger issues. In order for these strategies to have any chance of having a beneficial impact on your life, you must be dedicated to actually using and practising them. If you simply use them occasionally, you won’t see the benefit of them

Controlled deep breathing for anger issues

When you feel emotionally aroused, your breathing and pulse rate both quicken. By consciously slowing your breathing and/or relaxing your stiff muscles, you can learn to stop these rises. By relaxing in this way, you can keep your emotions under control.

When you are agitated, you may notice that your breathing becomes hurried and shallow. Your anger will only grow if you continue to breathe shallowly, only from your chest. Instead, take steps to slow your breathing down and to unwind your muscles in order to calm down. Give yourself at least 15 minutes to complete this exercise. Less time than this is probably not going to be helpful!

“I hated every minute of training, but I said, Don’t quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion.” – Muhammad Ali

Start by taking several calm, deep breaths in succession, making sure to exhale for twice as long as you inhale with each breath.
Count slowly to four as you breathe in, and then breathe out slowly as you count to eight.
Be mindful of the air filling your lungs while you do this. Breathe deeply and completely through your open lungs.
Breath should enter your abdomen, chest, and upper chest right below your shoulders in that order.
As your lungs grow, feel your ribs enlarge as well.
Pay attention to how your ribs reposition themselves as you totally exhale.
If you ever feel dizzy or out of breath, stop the exercise.

What Are Anger Management Issues? Everything You Need To Know

Progressive Muscle Relaxation for dealing with anger

Follow the steps below to help alleviate your anger issues.

The stressed muscles should be tensed and tightened slowly before being released. If you experience any pain, be careful to release your clenched muscles right away and stop the exercise.
While inhaling, contract a muscle group, your calves, for example, for between 5 and 10 seconds. Then exhale and release the tension in the muscle group. Relax for between 10 and 20 seconds and then do the same for the next muscle group. For example, tense your calves and release them and then move on to your thighs.
You can move down your entire body in a few minutes with a little practise. Your ability to relax can occasionally be improved by first tensing and then relaxing your muscles.

You should give yourself a total of 20 to 30 minutes to relax. Throughout this period, maintain very regular, deep breathing. You will soon feel considerably calmer if you tell yourself that you are calming yourself down. Trying to imagine your muscles relaxing can be helpful too.

Relaxation methods like those mentioned above can aid in your relaxation and, as a bonus, aid in your ability to shift your attention away from being angry. Additionally, they allow you time to reflect on the upsetting event, which will enable you to come up with original answers to the issues you are now facing.

7. Speak to a professional about your anger management issues.

Talking therapy and counselling entail discussing your issues with a qualified professional (such a counsellor or psychotherapist, like me) who can assist you in examining the reasons behind your anger and developing coping mechanisms. This can assist you in processing your emotions and enhancing how you react in heated situations.

There are numerous varieties of talking therapies, some of which are especially suited to anger management problems. Here are two ways that I can help you with your anger management issues.

Counselling is typically a brief form of therapy where you can discuss a particular problem, such having angry outbursts or struggling to manage anger, and try to understand how you might handle those situations differently.
In comparison to counselling, psychotherapy frequently lasts longer and tends to delve deeper into the past. Here, you might put more of an emphasis on self-discovery to better understand why you react in particular ways to situations or how you express your anger. For example, we might look at how your parents expressed anger or managed their anger and if there’s any habits that you’ve developed as a result of a learnt behaviour from them.

Getting assistance if your anger management issue is causing you to act violently or abusively can be life changing for both you, your family and the other people around you. Even though you might be concerned that asking for help might make you look “weak”, it’s frequently the crucial first step in changing your behaviour. As an experienced counsellor and psychotherapist, I can help you with your anger management issues and help give you back the control in your life. Contact me today for more information and to book an appointment.

Need help with anger?

If you would like to talk to someone confidentially about managing anger, then I can help.

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How to control your anger (and not lose control)

By Kieran

On May 3, 2020

In Anger management

Introduction

I decided to write a blog post about how to control anger because ‘anger management’ is one of the most common problems clients come to me wanting help with, in fact, it is probably the most common. When I began researching the post I came across a report on anger; ‘Boiling Point’ produced by the Mental Health Foundation (MHF) back in 2008, which found that (of the 2000 people surveyed):

32% of people say they have a close friend or family member who has trouble controlling their anger.
12% have trouble controlling their own anger.
28% worry about how angry they sometimes feel.
1 in 5 people have ended a relationship or a friendship because of how they behaved when they were angry.

anger management’ is one of the most common problems clients come to me wanting help with…

I was shocked to learn that the statistics were so high and there were so many people who’s lives were affected by their anger. So, below is a guide explaining how to control your anger and I’ll be sharing some of the ways I have helped many clients handle their own anger problems.

In this post I will explain:

what anger is and why does it matter?
how to identify what makes you angry.
how to identify why those things make you angry.
step by step, how to control your anger.
how to stay on top of your anger.

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
― Buddha

What is anger and why does it matter?

Anger is a natural emotion, that is part of our survival instinct. When we feel threatened, a part of the brain called ‘the Amygdala’, prepares the body for action and we get ready to fight what is trying to harm us. Without this early warning system, we probably wouldn’t be here in the 21st century, with the human race being extinct as a result of being eaten by bigger, stronger, quicker predators, millions of years ago!

“The best fighter is never angry.”
lAO tZU

While anger can keep us safe, it simply isn’t acceptable to treat everyone as though they are going to kill you! Like all our emotions, we have to learn to control our anger. The difference with anger, unlike our other emotions, is that anger makes other people around us feel threatened, frightened, resentful and indeed, angry themselves, so it important for us to control our anger if we are going to maintain the relationships in our lives.

What makes you angry?

Whether someone has told you, “you need to control your anger more” or “you get wound up easily” or you’ve noticed that you feel angry or frustrated yourself, the first thing you need to do is to establish what makes you angry.

Everyone is different so write a list of things that make you angry. This could include things people say to you like being told you’re wrong or maybe when people ignore you, you get angry. You might find that the drive to work makes you angry, or perhaps its a person, your partner, or maybe your boss.

Getting it down on paper will help you focus on the things that make you angry and give you a place to start tackling the problem.

Counselling for men

I can help

Why does it make you angry?

Now you have an idea of some of the things that make you angry, you need to spend some time on why they make you angry. The reasons you feel angry are going to be personal to you and it might be difficult to admit to yourself why they make you angry, so take your time. Here are some steps to follow to help you work out why things make you angry:

Step 1

Find a time and place you won’t be disturbed. No mobile phones, no televisions, and nothing that is going to distract you, including other people in the house and noises outside.

You might have to wait until the kids are at school and the other half is at work but it’s important that there are as few distractions as possible.

Clearly, during the Coronavirus outbreak, getting some quiet is much harder than usual and indeed, this might be something that is making you angry in itself so what’s important here is that you find somewhere where you can think clearly. If needs must, you could do this sat on the loo, perhaps with some peaceful music playing through some earphones to block out noisy distractions.

Clearly, during the Coronavirus outbreak, getting some quiet is much harder than usual and indeed, this might be something that is making you angry in itself so what’s important here is that you find somewhere where you can think clearly.

If needs must, you could do this sat on the loo, perhaps with some peaceful music playing through some earphones to block out noisy distractions.

mobile-and-earphones-for-helping-to-reduce-anger

Step 2

Sit comfortably, close your eyes and focus on your breathing.

Helpful tip:

Breathing in the smell of a cup of coffee can help.

Step 3

Relax your body and let go of any tension.

Step 4

As you begin to relax, you’ll be giving your mind the chance to present what’s troubling you. It might be something on your list or it could be something else. Let the thought’s enter and try to spend 5 to 10 minutes on what come’s to mind.

It’ll take practice to stay with your thoughts so don’t worry if you have trouble focusing, it will come.

Don’t try to force the thoughts to come back if you lose track, this will only frustrate you even further. If you want to carry on, come back to focusing on your breathing and give the thoughts the chance to come again.

It’ll take practice to stay with your thoughts so don’t worry if you have trouble focusing, it will come. Don’t try to force the thoughts to come back if you lose track, this will only frustrate you even further. If you want to carry on, come back to focusing on your breathing and give the thoughts the chance to come again.

“Tomorrow’s victory is today’s practice.”
Chris Bradford, The Way of the Warrior

It’s important to point out you might not like what comes to mind and you may not agree with them but try to accept them and be open to exploring what comes to mind. For example, you might have a thought that say’s something like “you’re angry because you’re jealous”. Rather than pushing the thought away and dismiss it, try to accept it for what it is, a thought and try to explore it. “Am I jealous”? “What exactly am I jealous of”? Etc.

Step 5

Write down anything that feels relevant. You will hopefully have gained some insight into what it is that is making you angry and it’s useful to record it.

Staying on top of your anger

One you’ve begun to work out what makes you angry and how it makes you angry, it’s important that you stay on top of your anger. Practice steps 1 to 5 as often as you can, everyday if it is possible.

You can use this technique to work on something making you angry in the present such as an argument with your partner. You can also use this technique to work on something that’s been troubling you longer term such as anger towards a relative who has passed away, for example.

What’s important is that you learn to listen to your mind and trust your feelings.

Conclusion

Today we’ve learnt how to recognise the things that make us angry, why they make us angry and how we can control our anger and stay on top of it. I hope this helps you and please feel free to look at some of my other blog posts.

Need help with anger?

If you would like to talk to some, confidentially about anger management, then I can help.

Help is here

Tag: anger

Need help with anger?

Why Stress and Anger Feel So Hard to Manage

Technique 1: Box Breathing (Featured in My Video)

Technique 2: The “Name It to Tame It” Method

Technique 3: Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Technique 4: The “Stop–Drop–Reflect” Method

Technique 5: Journaling for Emotional Clarity

Why These Techniques Work to help with stress and anger

What If It’s More Than Just Stress?

What to Expect from Counselling

Final Thoughts: You’re Not Alone

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The Messages We Inherit

When Anger Becomes the Default

My Own Turning Point

The Cost of Staying Silent

What Man Counselling Actually Looks Like

One Client’s Story

Rewriting the Narrative

What You Can Do Today

Final Thoughts

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Understanding Anger and Its Role

The Cultural Landscape of Male Anger

Rewriting the Narrative

Recognising Your Anger Triggers

A Quick Glance At Controlling Anger

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A Personal Turning Point: My Journey to Regaining Control

Top Strategies for Lasting Calm and better Anger Management

1. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation

2. Engage in Physical Activity

3. Enhance Communication Skills

4. Challenge Negative Thought Patterns

5. Seek Professional Support

The Role of Daily Habits in Anger Management

Overcoming Barriers Specific to Men

Embracing Vulnerability

Building a Support System

Redefining Masculinity

Creating Your Personalised Action Plan to tackle Anger

Embracing a Future of Lasting Calm

Final Thoughts on Anger Management for Men Coping Strategies.

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Why am I an angry dad?

Trigger 1 – Stress

Tip to manage stress – Breathe deep and relax

Trigger 2 – Feeling frustrated or powerless

Tip to manage feelings of frustration or powerlessness – reconsider our approach to the problem

Trigger 3 – Feeling a lack of respect

Tip to manage feeling a lack of respect

Trigger 4 – Lack of sleep

Tip to manage a lack of sleep

Trigger 5 – Communication issues

Tip to manage communication issues

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What are anger management issues?

1. Understand your triggers.

2. Communicate assertively, not aggressively.

3. Use “I” statements to help with anger management issues.

4. Be aware of your body language.

5. Take a timeout.

6. Practice relaxation techniques to combat anger management issues.

7. Speak to a professional about your anger management issues.

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Introduction

In this post I will explain:

What is anger and why does it matter?

What makes you angry?

Counselling for men

Why does it make you angry?

Step 1

Step 2

Helpful tip:

Step 3

Step 4