For many men, the idea of counselling (I often hear now referred to as ‘man counselling’) feels like a foreign concept—something reserved for “when things get really bad,” or worse, something that’s simply not for them. According to the Counselling Directory, only 36% of NHS referrals for psychological therapies in England are for men, despite 12.5% of men having a diagnosable mental health disorder . The truth is, counselling isn’t about weakness. It’s about strength. It’s about choosing to face what’s difficult rather than burying it. And for a lot of us, that’s the hardest part.
Clearly, in my work supporting men through anger management, stress, anxiety emotional overwhelm and with many other common mental health disorders, I’ve seen how powerful it can be when someone decides to take that first step. Undoubtedly, I’ve also seen how stigma—both internal and external—can keep that step just out of reach.
This post is for the man who’s been holding it all in. The one who’s been told to “man up,” to “get on with it,” to “stop overthinking.” If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you don’t have to keep carrying it all by yourself.
The Messages We Inherit
From a young age, many of us are taught a very narrow definition of what it means to be a man. We’re told to be strong, stoic, and self-reliant. We’re praised for our ability to “keep it together” and discouraged from showing vulnerability.
Some people want it to happen, some wish it could happen, others make it happen – Michael Jordan
Crying? That’s weak. Talking about your feelings? That’s soft. Asking for help? That’s failure.
These messages might not always be spoken aloud, but they’re there—in the way we’re raised, the media we consume, the way our mates talk about emotions (or don’t). Over time, they become internalised. And when life gets hard—as it inevitably does—we often don’t have the tools or the language to deal with it.
Instead, we bottle it up. We push it down. We tell ourselves to get over it. Until one day, it all spills out. Without doubt, this isn’t healthy.
When Anger Becomes the Default
One of the most common ways this emotional suppression shows up is through anger. And that’s why anger management for men is such a vital part of the conversation.
Anger is often misunderstood. It’s not inherently bad—it’s a signal. A flare going up to say, “Something’s not right.” But when we don’t know how to interpret that signal, or when we’ve been taught to ignore everything underneath it, anger becomes the only emotion we allow ourselves to feel.
I’ve worked with men who describe themselves as “always on edge,” “quick to snap,” or “just not myself anymore.” They’re not bad people. They’re not broken. They’re overwhelmed. And they’ve never been given permission—or the tools—to unpack what’s really going on.
My Own Turning Point
I’ll be honest: I didn’t always believe in man counselling (or counselling for women, for that matter) either. I thought I had to figure everything out on my own. For me, opening up would make me look weak. I thought no one would understand.
It wasn’t until I sat in my first counselling session—nervous, guarded, unsure of what to say—that something shifted. I didn’t have to have the perfect words. There was no need to have to explain everything straight away. I just had to start.
And once I did, I realised how much I’d been carrying. How much I’d been hiding. How much I needed that space to just be honest—for the first time in a long time.
That session didn’t fix everything overnight. But it was the beginning of something better. It was the first time I felt like I could breathe again.
The Cost of Staying Silent
When we don’t talk about what’s going on, it doesn’t go away. It just finds other ways to show up—often in ways that hurt us or the people around us.
Maybe it’s snapping at your partner over something small. Perhaps it’s withdrawing from your mates because you don’t want to talk. Maybe it’s drinking more than usual just to take the edge off. Maybe it’s lying awake at night, your mind racing with everything you can’t say out loud.
These are signs—not of failure, but of pressure. And pressure needs a release valve. Without one, it builds. And builds. And builds.
That’s why counselling matters. It’s not about fixing you. It’s about giving you space to understand yourself. To process what’s going on beneath the surface. To learn new ways of coping that don’t involve shutting down or lashing out.
What Man Counselling Actually Looks Like
Let’s demystify it a bit. Counselling isn’t lying on a couch while someone nods silently and takes notes. It’s a conversation. A safe, confidential space where you can talk about what’s really going on—without judgment, without pressure, and without having to “have it all together”. Man counselling or any type of counselling, doesn’t involve putting on a brave face and pretending “everything’s fine”, when perhaps it isn’t.
You set the pace. You decide what you want to explore. And over time, you start to notice the patterns. The triggers. The beliefs that have been shaping your behaviour for years.
In my counselling sessions with men, we often talk about:
- Workplace stress and the pressure to perform
- Relationship challenges and communication breakdowns
- Unresolved anger and how it shows up in daily life
- Low self-worth and the inner critic that never shuts up
- The fear of being vulnerable and what it means to be emotionally honest
- Fatherhood and the pressures of setting the right example to your children
And through those conversations, something powerful happens: clarity. Relief. A sense of control that doesn’t come from bottling things up, but from understanding them.
“Success is not final; failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts”
winston churchill
One Client’s Story
Let me tell you about a client—we’ll call him Tom. He came to counselling after a heated argument at work that left him shaken. It wasn’t the first time he’d lost his temper, but this time felt different. He was scared of what he might do next.
At first, he was sceptical. Indeed he referred to it as “man counselling” when we first spoke on the phone. He didn’t think talking would help. But he showed up. Week after week. And slowly, he started to open up and felt the benefits of counselling.
We talked about his childhood—how anger was the only emotion that was ever acknowledged in his family. He talked about how the idea of man counselling was a foreign concept to his ex military father. We talked about his job—how he felt constantly under pressure but never able to say no. We talked about his relationship—how he wanted to be more present, but didn’t know how to switch off.
Over time, Tom began to recognise his triggers. He learned how to pause before reacting. How to practice new ways of expressing himself—ways that felt authentic, not forced. He took risks with being vulnerable to those close to him.
And the best part? He started to feel more like himself again. Not a different person. Just a more grounded, more self-aware version of who he already was. Who knew man counselling could be so effective?
Rewriting the Narrative
The stigma around men’s mental health and man counselling is slowly shifting. More men are speaking up. More men are seeking support. But we still have work to do.
Every time a man chooses to talk instead of shut down, he challenges the old narrative. Every time a man says, “I’m struggling,” he gives others permission to do the same.
If you’re reading this and something resonates and you feel man counselling could help you—if you’ve been feeling stuck, angry, or overwhelmed—know this: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
Counselling isn’t about being broken. It’s about being brave enough to want something better.
What You Can Do Today
If you’re not sure where to start, that’s okay. Start small. Be honest and start with a conversation.
- Talk to someone you trust. A friend, a partner, a colleague. Let them know you’re finding things tough.
- Journal your thoughts. Sometimes writing things down can help you make sense of what’s going on.
- Book a consultation. Even if you’re not sure what you want to talk about, showing up is a powerful first step. You can book an appointment with me here (or if you can’t find a time that suits you, you can contact me here and I’ll see what I can do).
And if you’re ready to explore counselling, I offer a free consultation to help you decide if it’s the right fit. No pressure. Just a chance to talk.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to wait for a crisis to seek support. You don’t have to hit rock bottom to deserve help. And you don’t have to do it alone.
Whether you’re dealing with anger management, stress, relationship issues, or just a general sense that something’s not right—counselling can help you find your footing again.
It’s not about changing who you are. It’s about reconnecting with the parts of you that have been buried under pressure, expectation, and silence.
You’re allowed to feel. You’re allowed to struggle. And you’re allowed to get support.
Because being your own man doesn’t mean doing it all alone. It means choosing what’s right for you—even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
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