{"id":38,"date":"2018-10-18T21:07:49","date_gmt":"2018-10-18T20:07:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/hisownman.com\/blog\/?p=38"},"modified":"2020-05-08T21:04:29","modified_gmt":"2020-05-08T20:04:29","slug":"confidence-and-why-men-dont-find-it-at-the-gym","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/2018\/10\/18\/confidence-and-why-men-dont-find-it-at-the-gym\/","title":{"rendered":"Confidence (and why men don&#8217;t find it at the gym)"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"alignfull wp-block-ugb-header ugb-header ugb-b77d4dd ugb-header ugb-header--v3 ugb-header--design-plain ugb-main-block ugb-main-block--inner-full ugb--has-block-background ugb--has-background-overlay\" id=\"\"><style>.ugb-b77d4dd .ugb-header__title{font-family:\"Poppins\",Sans-serif !important;font-size:45px;font-weight:700;color:#ffffff;text-align:left !important}.ugb-b77d4dd .ugb-header__subtitle{color:#fdfdfd}.ugb-b77d4dd .ugb-inner-block{text-align:left}.ugb-b77d4dd.ugb-header{min-height:80vh;background-color:#000000;background-image:url(https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Man-with-a-bag.jpg)}.ugb-b77d4dd.ugb-header:before{background-color:#000000;opacity:0.3}@media screen and (max-width:1025px){.ugb-b77d4dd .ugb-header__title{font-size:30px}.ugb-b77d4dd.ugb-header{min-height:60vh}}@media screen and (max-width:768px){.ugb-b77d4dd.ugb-header{min-height:40vh !important}}@media screen and (-ms-high-contrast:active),screen and (-ms-high-contrast:none){.ugb-b77d4dd.ugb-header{height:80vh}}<\/style><div class=\"ugb-inner-block\"><div class=\"ugb-block-content\"><div class=\"ugb-header__item\"><div class=\"ugb-content-wrapper\"><h1 class=\"ugb-header__title\">Edit: May 2020<\/h1><p class=\"ugb-header__subtitle\">This was the first blog post I wrote and while the information in it is still relevant, the layout makes it difficult for me to read and I guess, to you as well.&nbsp; While I&#8217;ve updated the blog about gym confidence, I&#8217;ll be publishing a new blog post on confidence and how to build it soon.&nbsp; Watch this space!<\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\">Confidence is important to everyone, especially if you don&#8217;t feel very confident.  A common misconception is that by going to the gym you will feel more confident but is that true? Maybe sometimes.  In this blog post, I&#8217;m going to talk to you about why you won&#8217;t find confidence at the gym but <strong>how you can still become more confident.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2>In this post I will:<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#Explain-what-stops-you-from-going-to-the-gym\">Explain what stops you from going to the gym.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#Show-you-a-real-case-study-of-someone-who-lost-confidence-at-the-gym\">Show you a real case study of someone who lost confidence at the gym.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#the-real-reason-you-don't-go-to-the-gym\">Explain the real reason why you don&#8217;t go to the gym.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><a href=\"#steps-to-overcoming-a-lack-of-confidence\">Show you 5 steps to overcoming a lack of confidence.<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"Explain-what-stops-you-from-going-to-the-gym\">What stops you from going to the gym?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>So you think you&#8217;ll feel more confident by heading to the gym? Does this sound familiar though; by the time you get home from work after a busy day, the last thing you want to do is get shorts, t-shirt and trainers together and head out of the house again! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And the worst thing you can do is sit down and think \u201cI\u2019ll just have a rest for 5 minutes, then I\u2019ll go\u201d because once you sit down, your body really does not want to stand up again! After all, you\u2019ve had a hard day, the gym will be really busy, you can never get on the equipment you want to get on, you can go tomorrow night etc etc etc.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"300\" height=\"201\" src=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/biceps-300x201.jpg\" alt=\"confidence-isn't-found-at-the-gym\" class=\"wp-image-515\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/biceps-300x201.jpg 300w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/biceps-1024x685.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/biceps-768x514.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/biceps-1536x1028.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/biceps-900x602.jpg 900w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/biceps-1280x857.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/biceps.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h3>\u201cImagine your life is perfect in every respect; what would it look like?\u201d \u2013 Brian Tracy<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>These are all the reasons that run through our heads for us to not go. And most of the time, we go with one of these reasons. Instead, we sit down in front of the tv, play some computer games, help the kids with their homework, cook some dinner, go for a pint or two etc etc. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>But we really meant to go to the gym, didn\u2019t we? Or did we? It can be really tough trying to <a href=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/2019\/07\/15\/achieve-your-goals\/\">add something new into our already busy lives<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\">Making time for something new often means sacrificing the time we spend on something else and for the most part, that thing will be something that we have to do like going to work or cooking and eating an evening meal. Which is often where the problem lies; Do we want to go to the gym bad enough we\u2019ll make time for it in our otherwise already busy schedule?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-color has-background has-text-align-center has-white-color has-accent-background-color Write-down-something\">This is a long part, skip to the confidence steps <a href=\"#steps-to-overcoming-a-lack-of-confidence\">HERE<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p> We probably enjoy the idea of getting \u201cbuff\u201d and looking better to boost confidence but how much do we enjoy getting there? Do we ever get there? In most cases the answer to both is \u201cwe don\u2019t\u201d. So what makes us want to go to the gym then?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Here are a few reasons why guys want to go to the gym:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u2022 To get fitter.<br>\u2022 To be better at sports.<br>\u2022 The social side\/meeting people.<br>\u2022 Look more attractive to possible partners.<br>\u2022 To feel healthier.<br>\u2022 To relieve stress.<br>\u2022 Build confidence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And these are all good reasons for going to the gym.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"Show-you-a-real-case-study-of-someone-who-lost-confidence-at-the-gym\">Case study: 31 year old, male.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Let&#8217;s look at an example.  A man, who is below average size but physically fit, once told me that after splitting up with his girlfriend, he started \u201cgoing back to the gym\u201d and was working out several times per week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" src=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/gym-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"gym-dumbells\" class=\"wp-image-562\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/gym-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/gym-1024x682.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/gym-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/gym-1536x1023.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/gym-900x600.jpg 900w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/gym-1280x853.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/gym.jpg 1920w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>He found that he had a good appetite and was taking whey protein to bulk himself up and was genuinely enjoying his workouts. He told me that he could see that his body was growing and he felt more confident about himself and felt that by having more confidence and looking better, it would improve his chances of getting a new girlfriend. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>A few weeks later he told me about a girl he had met and how he really liked her. He felt they \u201cclicked\u201d and he really liked spending time with her. While this man was still going to the gym, he wasn\u2019t going to the gym quite as often as he had been before because as you would expect, he had to make time to see her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"alignfull wp-block-ugb-cta ugb-cta ugb-515e0fe ugb-cta ugb-cta--v2 ugb-cta--design-plain ugb-main-block ugb-main-block--inner-full ugb--has-block-background\" id=\"\"><style>.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-cta__title,.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-cta__description,.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-button-container{text-align:left !important}.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-cta__title{color:#ffffff}.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-button-container{text-align:right !important}.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-button .ugb-button--inner{color:#fff !important}.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-button{border-color:#fff !important;border-radius:0px !important}.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-button:hover .ugb-button--inner{color:#fff !important}.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-button:before{border-radius:0px !important}.ugb-515e0fe .ugb-inner-block{text-align:left}.ugb-515e0fe.ugb-cta{padding-bottom:3% !important;background-color:#000000}.ugb-515e0fe.ugb-cta > .ugb-inner-block{width:80% !important}.ugb-515e0fe.ugb-cta:before{background-color:#000000}<\/style><div class=\"ugb-inner-block\"><div class=\"ugb-block-content\"><div class=\"ugb-cta__item\"><h3 class=\"ugb-cta__title\">Do you need some help finding your confidence?<\/h3><div class=\"ugb-button-container\"><a class=\"ugb-button ugb-button--size-medium ugb--hover-effect-lift-scale ugb-button--design-ghost\" href=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/contact.html\" rel=\"\"><span class=\"ugb-button--inner\">I can help<\/span><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n<p>\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>As the weeks wore on, he wasn\u2019t going to the gym anymore but \u201cdidn\u2019t miss it\u201d. Sadly after a few months, the relationship came to an end. Without going into too much detail, they weren\u2019t getting along and decided to go their separate ways. While the client was happy the relationship had finished, his confidence and self esteem had fallen and he had noticed that he was eating very little. He didn\u2019t want to go to work and had phoned in sick a few times because he wanted some time to get over the end of the relationship.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>\u201cThe pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty.\u201d &#8211; Winston Churchill<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>A few weeks after they split up, this guy has started going back to the gym again and feeling better about himself too. You might say, \u201che was enjoying the gym before and it built his confidence which led to him getting a girlfriend, so surely it\u2019s a good thing he\u2019s working out again\u201d? And that would be a fair question. The gym does boost his confidence, which then would possibly lead to him getting another girlfriend. Great! Problem solved! Well, sort of.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-635 alignright\" src=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/thumbs-up-225x300.jpg\" alt=\"thumbs-up\" width=\"225\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/thumbs-up-225x300.jpg 225w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/thumbs-up-768x1024.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/thumbs-up-1152x1536.jpg 1152w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/thumbs-up-900x1200.jpg 900w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/thumbs-up-1280x1707.jpg 1280w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/thumbs-up.jpg 1440w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/>The guy in question does now have a new girlfriend but the cycle has started again, where he no longer has time for the gym because of the girlfriend, so he has stopped going again.<\/p>\n<p>The confidence boost from the workouts is gone. The motivation to go to the gym, is gone. The client started to notice his muscles aren\u2019t getting any bigger and wonders if the new girlfriend still finds him attractive, now he isn\u2019t so muscular.<\/p>\n<p>He even started to wonder whether she would still find him attractive if he starts to put on weight because he isn\u2019t exercising anymore.<\/p>\n<p>This made him worry even more and his confidence dipped further. Does any of this sound familiar? It has done to me in the past.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-644 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Gym-2-300x169.jpg\" alt=\"find-confidence-at-the-gym\" width=\"301\" height=\"169\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Gym-2-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Gym-2-1024x576.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Gym-2-768x432.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Gym-2-1536x864.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Gym-2-2048x1152.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Gym-2-900x506.jpg 900w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Gym-2-1280x720.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 301px) 100vw, 301px\" \/>So, back to the original question; why doesn\u2019t the gym work for you? If like in this example case you\u2019re going to the gym to make yourself look more attractive, it&#8217;s probably never going to work.<\/p>\n\n\n<h2 id=\"the-real-reason-you-don't-go-to-the-gym\">The real reason you don&#8217;t go to the gym.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>We need to start with the <strong>REAL<\/strong> reason for going to the gym. Rather than trying to make yourself more appealing to a prospective partner, you need to think about why <strong>YOU<\/strong> don\u2019t think you\u2019re appealing already.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p> So for example, if you are overweight and you think no woman (or man) is going to be attracted to you because you\u2019re \u201ctoo fat\u201d, you need to think about why that is. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"alignfull wp-block-ugb-image-box ugb-image-box ugb-9caa075 ugb-image-box--v4 ugb-image-box--columns-1 ugb-image-box--design-plain ugb-image-box--effect-zoom-in ugb-image-box--align-center ugb-main-block ugb-main-block--inner-wide ugb--has-block-background\" id=\"\"><style>.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__box{border-radius:12px !important}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__item{height:350px !important;justify-content:center !important}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__item1 .ugb-image-box__image{background-image:url(https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/why-1024x683.jpg)}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__item2 .ugb-image-box__image{background-image:url(https:\/\/d3gt1urn7320t9.cloudfront.net\/library\/block-image-box-image-box-2\/image-2-url.jpg)}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__overlay{background-color:#313131 !important}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__item:not(:hover) .ugb-image-box__overlay{opacity:0.6 !important}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__overlay-hover{background-color:#313131 !important}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__item:hover .ugb-image-box__overlay-hover{opacity:0.7 !important}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-image-box__description{color:#ffffff !important}.ugb-9caa075 .ugb-inner-block{text-align:center}.ugb-9caa075.ugb-image-box{padding-top:130px !important;padding-bottom:130px !important;background-color:#111111}.ugb-9caa075.ugb-image-box > .ugb-inner-block{width:700px !important;min-width:auto !important}.ugb-9caa075.ugb-image-box:before{background-color:#111111}<\/style><div class=\"ugb-inner-block\"><div class=\"ugb-block-content\"><div class=\"ugb-image-box__item ugb-image-box__item1 ugb-image-box__box ugb--shadow-4\"><div class=\"ugb-image-box__box ugb-image-box__image-wrapper\"><div class=\"ugb-image-box__box ugb-image-box__image\"><\/div><\/div><div class=\"ugb-image-box__box ugb-image-box__overlay\"><\/div><div class=\"ugb-image-box__box ugb-image-box__overlay-hover\"><\/div><div class=\"ugb-image-box__content\"><p class=\"ugb-image-box__description\">\u201cIf you put a small value on yourself, rest assured that the world will not raise your price. \u201c<strong>\u2013 Anonymous<\/strong><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<!--nextpage-->\n\n\n\n<p>Why you feel that way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p> When we say that out loud \u201cnobody will find me attractive\u201d, do we really agree with that statement? Is all you have to offer are your looks? Does your personality count for nothing? And to take that on a step, if you began dating a woman and she said she was only interested in you because you had muscles, how would that make you feel? <\/p>\n\n\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-661 alignleft\" src=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Be-positive-1-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"Be-positive\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Be-positive-1-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Be-positive-1-1024x683.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Be-positive-1-768x512.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Be-positive-1-1536x1024.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Be-positive-1-2048x1365.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Be-positive-1-900x600.jpg 900w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/Be-positive-1-1280x853.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>It might be a nice thought for a moment as you might never have had anyone attracted to you because of your body before but how comfortable do you think you would be with that person, long term? Would you begin to worry that if you didn\u2019t keep going to the gym, she would leave you? Quite possibly. Which wouldn\u2019t be a good start to the relationship. It would just be giving you a new set of worries. I\u2019m not going to deny that your appearance is a factor when it comes to relationships but it is just that; one factor and it isn\u2019t the single reason you are not in a relationship or feel as though you aren\u2019t \u201cattractive\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n<h4><em>you need to think about why YOU don\u2019t think you\u2019re appealing already<\/em><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Being concerned with how you look is probably something that has bothered you for quite a long time and there has probably been one or two or maybe several situations in your past which have made you think \u201cI\u2019m not attractive\u201d. Whatever those situations were, they were probably quite painful and unpleasant and that feeling has stayed with you and has become part of what we call your introjected self concept. A collection of stimulus taken from friends, family, peers, environment, media etc and we take this information and it becomes part of us. But underneath all that is the real you; your authentic self concept.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote\"><p>\u201cYou learn more from failure than from success. Don\u2019t let it stop you. Failure builds character.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"mirror\" class=\"wp-image-598\" srcset=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-300x300.jpg 300w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-1024x1024.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-150x150.jpg 150w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-768x768.jpg 768w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-1536x1536.jpg 1536w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-2048x2048.jpg 2048w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-88x88.jpg 88w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-900x900.jpg 900w, https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/mirror-1280x1280.jpg 1280w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>The you that hasn\u2019t heard anyone suggest you aren\u2019t good enough or called you ugly. We take on the opinions, thoughts and even prejudices of others and it becomes part of us. We still have our own unique thoughts and ideas too but there is often tension between how we think we feel about something and how we really, deep down feel about something. For example, could one of the reasons you don\u2019t go to the gym be that you think \u201cpeople are looking at you\u201d? If people are looking at you, they must be thinking how ridiculous you look, right? But how do we KNOW that? We don\u2019t! Could it be possible that even those who you consider to be physically fit and athletic have their own insecurities too and worry what everybody else is thinking? Could it be that they are there in the first place because they are insecure about their own physical appearance? Going to the gym is a good thing for many more reasons than I\u2019ve listed in this article and it might help you feel better about yourself too. But if you really feel as though you have to improve yourself physically for no other reason than to change your physical appearance, it could be time to talk to some who can help you. I can help you. In the meantime, here\u2019s a really useful exercise (no pun intended) you can try:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h2 id=\"steps-to-overcoming-a-lack-of-confidence\">5 steps to overcoming a lack of confidence.<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>1) Write down something about how you\u2019re feeling. For example; \u201cI don\u2019t like the way I look in the mirror\u201d.<br>2) Write down your actions. Which would be something \u201cI\u2019ve joined the gym\u201d.<br>3) Write down what made you feel the way you feel. For example; \u201cI heard someone say I was fat.<br>4) Write down what it was that went through your mind when you heard what was said. For example \u201cI\u2019m not fat\u201d. \u201cThat\u2019s horrible, I feel terrible\u201d. \u201cIs that what all the girls think about me\u201d?<br>5) And finally, this is where we challenge those thoughts: How do I know what ALL girls think?! Even if some did think that I was fat, there\u2019s probably plenty that don\u2019t. If I looked at my diet and the exercise I\u2019m getting and came up with a plan to look after myself better, would that help me feel better about that comment?<br>6) The idea is that you examine what it is that has made you think\/feel negatively about yourself and challenge it. When you break the negative thought down and examine it, it\u2019ll help you see where the thought came from and give you a way to combat it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3>\u201cWe generate fears while we sit. We overcome them by action.\u201d \u2013 Dr. Henry Link<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"alignfull wp-block-ugb-cta ugb-cta ugb-ac93c01 ugb-cta ugb-cta--v2 ugb-cta--design-plain ugb-main-block ugb-main-block--inner-full ugb--has-block-background ugb--has-background-overlay\" id=\"\"><style>.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-cta__title,.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-cta__description,.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-button-container{text-align:left !important}.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-cta__title{font-family:\"Poppins\",Sans-serif !important;font-weight:400}.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-button{background-color:#313131;border-radius:100px !important}.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-button .ugb-button--inner,.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-button svg{color:#ffffff !important}.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-button:before{border-radius:100px !important}.ugb-ac93c01 .ugb-inner-block{text-align:left}.ugb-ac93c01.ugb-cta{min-height:400px;background-color:#ffffff;background-image:url(https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/man-in-sunglasses.jpg);background-position:top right}.ugb-ac93c01.ugb-cta:before{background-color:#ffffff;opacity:0.7}@media screen and (-ms-high-contrast:active),screen and (-ms-high-contrast:none){.ugb-ac93c01.ugb-cta{height:400px}}<\/style><div class=\"ugb-inner-block\"><div class=\"ugb-block-content\"><div class=\"ugb-cta__item\"><h3 class=\"ugb-cta__title\">If you&#8217;re looking for some<\/h3><p class=\"ugb-cta__description\">help with your confidence, I can help.<\/p><div class=\"ugb-button-container\"><a class=\"ugb-button ugb-button--size-small ugb--hover-effect-lift\" href=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/contact.tml\" rel=\"\"><span class=\"ugb-button--inner\">Contact me here<\/span><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-drop-cap\">If you feel like you&#8217;re not good enough, I\u2019ve been there. I know what it\u2019s like and I know what it takes to accept yourself. I can help. If you\u2019re looking for a counsellor who understands and can put themselves in your shoes and feel how you feel, <a href=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/contact.html\">get in touch<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Confidence is important to everyone, especially if you don&#8217;t feel very confident. A common misconception is that by going to the gym you will feel more confident but is that true? Maybe sometimes. In this blog post, I&#8217;m going to talk to you about why you won&#8217;t find confidence at the gym but how you [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":513,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":true,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false},"categories":[9],"tags":[10,11],"featured_image_urls":{"full":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell.jpg",1920,1280,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell-300x200.jpg",300,200,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell-768x512.jpg",629,419,true],"large":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell-1024x683.jpg",629,420,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell-1536x1024.jpg",1536,1024,true],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell.jpg",1920,1280,false],"post-thumbnail":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell-88x88.jpg",88,88,true],"post-image":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell-900x600.jpg",900,600,true],"post-image-cover":["https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/dumbbell-1280x853.jpg",1280,853,true]},"post_excerpt_stackable":"<p>Edit: May 2020This was the first blog post I wrote and while the information in it is still relevant, the layout makes it difficult for me to read and I guess, to you as well.&nbsp; While I&#8217;ve updated the blog about gym confidence, I&#8217;ll be publishing a new blog post on confidence and how to build it soon.&nbsp; Watch this space! Confidence is important to everyone, especially if you don&#8217;t feel very confident. A common misconception is that by going to the gym you will feel more confident but is that true? Maybe sometimes. In this blog post, I&#8217;m going&hellip;<\/p>\n","category_list":"<a href=\"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/category\/confidence\/\" rel=\"category tag\">Confidence<\/a>","author_info":{"name":"Kieran","url":"https:\/\/hisownmancounselling.co.uk\/blog\/author\/dbs393045\/"},"comments_num":"88 comments","yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v14.0.4 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Confidence (and why men don&#039;t find it at the gym) - His Own Man&#039;s Counselling Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Confidence is something that many men think can be found at the gym but do men really need to go to the gym for it? 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